Hate That I Love You
by LucyHey
Summary: Jo Wilson is finally starting her internship at Seattle Grace but with the dark and dangerous looming figure of her husband around every corner, Jo feels as if she will never be free of the man who has taken so much from her.
1. Chapter 1

Pulling down the sleeves of her long salmon pink t-shirt the small brunette made her way into Seattle Grace Mersey West Hospital, making sure that the said t-shirt covered all of her arms – including her wrists, they're clean and pale and dainty right now but later, later they'll be dark and purple and sore. She breathed heavily as she made her way to the third floor where the intern locker room located, marvelling at the fact this is a journey she would be making everyday for the next year of her life. As she walked up she couldn't help but not look around her, it didn't look like this at orientation – she was excited, giddy even. But there was the nagging feeling in the back of her head that if she did anything wrong here, it would be worse than what she does wrong at home. _I can't embarrass us._

"Hey! Jo, right?" Jo jumped back as she threw her hand to her chest, the girl in front of her had completely taken her off guard, _don't embarrass us._ "Sorry, totally didn't mean to scare you! I'm Steph? Stephanie Edwards?" Jo was still too stunned to answer, she promised him she'd be more aware of people and her reactions here, "we met at orientation?" Steph said as she pushed her glasses up from where they had slipped down her nose. Jo remembered her, she was one of the few people she met that she had genuinely liked at orientation, she was funny and geeky, and really easy to talk to.

"I remember you." Jo told the girl who blew a piece of her extremely curly hair out of her face in a sigh of relief and gave her a bright smile, Jo watched as Stephanie pushed her glasses back up her nose for the second time since she had stopped Jo – _that must be annoying_ , Jo thought to herself.

"Good! It's less intimidating when you feel like you have someone you know, right?" Steph carried on to the intern locker room and Jo quickly followed behind, it was filled with interns just like them, excited to start their medical career and excited to get into the OR. Jo wasn't as hopeful as the rest though, he had told her that it was unlikely she would get to see any real action on her first day, and if she slipped up then she would be lucky to see it for weeks, _**especially**_ _if I'm your attending_ , she recalled him telling her as she told him just how excited she was to finally be stepping into the hospital as a doctor.

"Imagine if I was on his service today! Wouldn't that be a great way to start an internship? A hot love affair with one of your attendings?" Jo looked over to where Stephanie had headed once she entered the crowded room, she spotted a few faces that she remembered; Leah she thinks the tall blonde is called, Heather the short weird one and Shane the over enthusiastic and way too cocky guy who had hit on her at orientation. She decided to follow her new friends lead once again and went over to the empty locker across from Stephanie's.

"What are you guys talking about?" Steph raised her eyebrows at the tall blonde, Leah was the typical pretty, leggy blonde – but from the little that Jo had seen of Leah she seemed to be more focused on her romantic relationships rather than her work. Jo couldn't quite tell what Leah was like, she seemed nice at first but there was something about the way she acted that Jo didn't quite like about her. Like when Shane had asked Jo out, " _Jo's just too pretty to go on a date with any old guy,"_ she had mockingly told Shane, afterwards Leah shot Jo a big fake smile whilst Jo had just stood there speechless. She was nothing but nice to Leah, she even offered her the visitor pass she had been given when Leah missed placed hers – Jo didn't mind going to the nurse's station to get another, it would give her a chance to see the hospital on her own.

"Oh, just how desperate Leah is to get laid!" Heather squeaked, she kind of resembled a mouse, Jo had first thought when she had met her. She was tiny and had a high pitched squeaky voice which Jo knew would start to grate on her by the end of the week, unlike Leah though Jo had got on with Heather from the beginning. Yes, she was weird but she'd rather be friends with someone who she thought was a little weird than someone who was going to mock her.

The group of five laughed, which had annoyed Leah. She shut her locker door with a slam and pulled up her scrub pants, her face started to turn into a shade of deep red – what had annoyed her the most was Jo laughing at her, she was so stuck up when she had met her at orientation. The way she wouldn't make conversation with anyone first, the way she would flinch when someone who wasn't good enough to be her friend would touch her, the way she turned Shane down with her nose turned up.

Jo was effortlessly pretty, Leah didn't even think she made much effort with her appearance this morning but she still looked gorgeous. Her long curly brunette hair hung just above her lower back, she had her bangs tied up in a bun at the top of her head, it was a messy up do but it looked flawless, like something that Leah would spend hours trying to perfect. She looked as if she barely weighed 120 pounds, she was thin and from what Leah could tell from when she had leant up into her locker she had the perfect toned stomach, and she had those amazing fluttery eyelashes, and the perfect symmetrical face. Jo had everything that Leah so hopelessly wanted, appearance wise anyway.

"Whatever. You guys will change your tune when you're asking for the juicy details on my hook-ups with Dr. Karev," Leah jutted her hip out and placed her hand on it, that was another thing about Jo. The tiny girl managed to look as if she had zero percent body fat but still happened to have the perfect upside down heart shaped ass, it didn't make sense for someone so small – it looked amazing in the tight black jeans she was currently wearing. _God, she is so annoying,_ Leah thought.

"Or Dr. Shepherd...Dr. Avery," Leah smirked, "Dr. Stadler..." the whole group erupted in laughter as Leah went on, this whole conversation was making Jo squirm – if it wasn't Leah's glaring eyes all over her then it was the mention of the married man. Jo grabbed her scrubs out of the bag she had placed in her locker and made her way to one of the bathroom stalls that was just off the locker room to change.

Jo hated her body, she was too thin, he was always telling her that she needed to put on more weight and that he would like her body more if she actually had a figure. She remembers back in college when she would go to the gym just to do squats and other exercises that would enhance what she didn't have, nothing worked. Everything she did just seemed to make her waist smaller and her legs thinner, she wasn't one to eat much as it was but she made extra effort to always eat very little of her meals around him, so she can finish and quickly put it in the dishwasher before he has the chance to throw her plate at her. _Like that one time_ , Jo recalls.

Her boobs were too small, she could grab them and get a decent sized hand full but they could stand to be bigger. Nothing like the women she would sometimes catch him staring at when they would go out to a bar or restaurant, something which always made her feel inadequate – sometimes she wondered if he wanted her to see him looking at other women, so she would know she's not good enough. At least they were perky. Not to mention the dark purple splotches that started at the bottom of her legs and worked their way up to her shoulders, he never went for her face – not after the fourth time when Jo was running out of plausible excuses, _I'm such a klutz! I tripped on a rock_ , this had caused questions and stares. He didn't like questions and stares.

She pulled her scrub pants up, flinching when she accidentally scratched at a deep bruise on the outside of her thigh as she was tugging them up. She didn't want to take too long and miss being told who she was going to be assigned to for the day, so she quickly threw her top over her head and once again adjusted her sleeves to make sure nothing was on show. Pushing the stall open, Jo quickly exited the bathroom and made her way back over to the bench that was in front of her new locker.

"Hey! You missed Leah foaming at the mouth when they told her she was on Dr. Stadler's service," Steph told her through giggles,

"I missed it?" She had missed it? She should have known by the way they were all scurrying around trying to tidy the stuff they had left all over the floor. Wait. Leah was with Paul. Which meant she didn't have to worry about messing up around him, well for now.

"Yeh, don't worry! I listened out for you, you're with Dr. Karev on peds," Jo sighed in relief, but caught herself afterwards – she hoped Stephanie thought nothing of it. Paul always told her how he hated working with kids as the bad surgery's always felt so much worse knowing that it was a child, he did have some sort of sympathy – just not for her. This time that would be good for her though, if she's on paediatrics then the chances of seeing her husband were at a minimum. She'll deal with him at home.

"Thanks," Jo gulped down some of the water that was in the bottle she had left in her locker, "what about you? Who you with?" Steph took a deep breath and shot Jo an extremely unsatisfied look,

"Medusa." Jo gave her new friend an apologetic look, they had all heard stories of Meredith Grey but they were nothing compared to what they came to meet at orientation. Everyone knew what went on at Seattle Grace; the plane crash, the shooting, and Meredith Grey always seemed to be at the fore front. So, Jo could understand her unapproachable demeanour which she directed to her interns but that didn't mean she would be begging to be on her service any time soon.

"We better go, good luck," Steph rushed off to find her attending as they exited the locker room,

"You too!" Jo shouted back, she'll need it.

"Why are you following me?" Jo had been trailing behind her attending for almost six minutes before he had even noticed her, he had furrowed his brows and then carried on his way without even a single hello, _jerk_. And now it had been almost fifteen minutes and they were making their way outside to greet an incoming trauma.

"I'm your intern for the day." She told him and as he turned his head towards her, she smiled. She didn't want to get on anyone's bad side today so if it meant kissing the guys ass who didn't even bother to acknowledge her then so be it. Karev is the guy Leah was talking about, Jo will admit that he was cute. He looked muscular, she could see the way his arms tensed as he tied his yellow gown just a few minutes earlier, he was extremely good looking. But also, an extremely big jerk, she hopes Leah has fun.

"Oh. Well, hello intern. Do you have a name?" The surgeon asked as he put his gloves on ready for the ambulance to arrive,

"Jo," she took a deep breathe, "Jo Wilson." Paul had told her to go by her own last name at work, _"You can't be tied to the Stadler name Jo! You might be a fuck up of a surgeon,"_ he had told her as she was applying, she ignored his reasoning. She decided to take her own name as she wanted to be her own person, not someone who was getting work just because of the infamous Stadler name, it's what a lot of female surgeons do – keep their own name despite their marital status.

"Oh, nice. I like chicks with boy's names." He turned his head to give her a smirk before he was getting told off by Dr. Torres for trying to sleep with all the new interns, as he reasoned that he thought she, or rather her name, was hot.

"I'm married." She blurted out, Jo knew what men could be like and she really didn't want to lose out on surgeries because she turned down her bosses advances. Not that calling her hot was much of an advance but for when it does come she wants him to know she's not just turning him down but she has a good reason. She didn't want to be at a disadvantage just because she won't sleep with her boss, she knew what can go on behind the doors of a hospital, she didn't know what type of guy Alex Karev was but she just needed him to know.

Alex looked over to his new intern who looked a little frightened, intimidated maybe? What did she think he was going to do? Jump her? How is she fresh out of med school and already married, she's barely twenty seven. Marriage was the last thing on his mind during college. Hell, marriage was the last thing on his mind the day before he married Izzie. Jo was hot, from what he saw earlier when she was just following him around she was tiny but with all the right kind of curves, and usually she would be the first girl he would try it on with – a girl that had a pretty face, a nice ass and a great looking body.

One problem, Jo was married. Alex was done with drama, done with crazy, done with women who are going to drag him into said drama and said crazy. Finding himself attracted to a women who was married just screamed drama, so despite the fact his groin was telling him to fuck his moral beliefs, his head told him to stop the flirting right there. Even if she wasn't going to reciprocate he didn't want to say something that crosses the line and be met with a black eye from her husband the next time he walked into work.

"Right." Was all Alex could say before the ambulance arrived and they were all rushing into the hospital.

A few hours later, Jo was leaning against one of the nurse's stations finishing off all the work Dr. Karev had piled on her whilst he was off performing surgery. She couldn't help but feel annoyed at the fact she didn't get to scrub in, although she wasn't expecting it there was still a bit of hope deep down that she would be able to get in there.

"Oh my god!" Stephanie sounded exhausted as she walked up to Jo and rested her arms on the counter before flopping her head down on top of them. "Medusa is trying to kill me. Death by skut, what a way to go," the pair of interns both giggles as Stephanie continued to over exaggerate about how hard her day has been. The sound of Stephanie whining about Dr. Grey and what kind of attending she was, Jo started to appreciate Dr. Karev. Only slightly, she would still much rather be with Torres – she had let Shane observe her surgery on his first day.

"How are you wearing long sleeves, Jo? I'm sweating so much my sweat, has sweat." Truthfully, her first day had been so hectic Jo hadn't even thought about her outfit choice, she just hoped that they hadn't rode up too much on the sleeves to give anyone a peek at the ripe bruise that had formed on her wrist that morning.

"Nice!" She laughed once again at Stephanie's over exaggeration, she was starting to like just how easy it was to chat and joke around with Stephanie. Maybe one night that Paul was working late she could ask Steph to hang out at the bar with her.

Jo looked up from looking at the back of her friends head which was still firmly placed on the nurses station, she saw a flash of pale blue scrubs paired with a flowing blonde ponytail. Leah. Jo knew what would be following her from around the corner which the blonde had just appeared from, Stadler, her husband. Jo's luck had to run out somewhere, she had overheard one of the nurses say that he had been in surgery all day which explained how Jo had been able to avoid running into her husband all day.

She hadn't told anyone that he was her husband yet, despite the fact that Paul had been all for her not using his last name he still wanted everyone to know that she was his – that was his words anyway. Jo knew that if he found out that she hadn't told anyone then he would use it as an excuse to make her pay for it later, if he knew she was going out of her way to avoid him then he would go crazy. Of course, the chief knew she was Paul's wife, she knows it will come out but she just wanted to delay it for as long as possible.

She wanted to keep her home life and her work life as separate as she can, which sounds silly when they both work at the same hospital and at one point or another she will have to be on his service. That day is something she is dreading, she knows he will find everything in his power to belittle her and she'd be lucky if she ever saw the inside of an OR with him being the decider of that.

"What about you? How's Karev?" Steph finally lifted her head up but Jo was gone, she looked around the large opened area and when she couldn't spot her she just let out a huff and put her head back down. She needed rest.

Jo scurried off in the direction opposite of the one that her husband had just came through, looking behind her every few seconds, if he had saw her then he would be fast behind her.

"Oof," Jo fell to the ground, hard. Had she run into a wall?

"Watch where the hell your going!" Not a wall, but her boss. She would have preferred a wall.

"Sorry, I was- "

"Running away from something?" Alex stuck his hand out, Jo took the hand offered to her and quickly got up from her place on the floor.

"Excuse me?" Has he seen something?

"You just looked as if there was a big grizzly bear running towards you," _you could say that,_ Jo thought.

"Nope. Guess I should've been more worried about the one in front of me," Jo wanted to be on her boss' good side but after day it was pretty clear that he wasn't too bothered about being on her good side and her nice perky attitude has worn out.

"Har Har! Those my post ops?" He mocked her silly joke before snatching the tablet that was in her dainty hand, to be honest he didn't mind the light hearted joke. He was starting to think she was the yes ma'am, no ma'am type, and he would rather his intern have a back bone.

"Yes. I've done your post ops, ran every test you could possible ask for and checked on all your patients," she smiled, "twice." She wasn't expecting him to be impressed, nothing seemed to impress him but she had impressed herself. Her first day was seeming to be a good one.

"No one likes a kiss ass," he looked up from the tablet, he was satisfied with her work but he wasn't going to tell her that just yet. He handed the tablet back to her, accidentally grazing her hand with his thumb. He could tell that her skin was soft just by looking at her but damn, he didn't expect it to feel like touching silk.

"If I was going to kiss your ass Karev, I'd be doing a lot more than just my job." She looked at her boss one last time before side stepping him and heading once again towards the opposite direction of Paul. She needed to find somewhere she can sit without the threat that Paul was going to walk in on her at any second.

Just one day of working in the same hospital as her husband and she was already questioning her choice to become a doctor.


	2. Chapter 2

Jo was tired. She had worked her max hours for the week and although she was finding it hard to keep her eyes open she still didn't want to leave the hospital, it was her second week and she was starting to think that this was a job that would never get old. She loved leaving the house in the morning, she loved the walk up to the locker room, she loved changing into her scrubs and she loved her current rotation.

Although Alex Karev could be an ass, he was rude and ungrateful, and sometimes just downright mean. That didn't stop her from loving paediatrics, maybe it was just the fact he had let her scrub in a few days ago – she would probably love any speciality where the attending let her scrub in. Jo really didn't want to leave. Maybe it was because she loved it, or maybe it was because of what was waiting for her at home.

Paul had finished earlier today, but whilst he was here she had got a page from him – this was unusual as she wasn't on his service and she had become pretty good at 'not on purpose' avoiding him at work. But he had paged her, not for anything important other than for her to do the skut that Leah should have been doing, but the blonde had explained to her that she was so overloaded after all the surgeries that Stadler had let her scrub in on she just didn't have the time. _Bitch._ So, Jo had left the 'overloaded' intern to go back to her actual work only seconds after being told what she had to do.

She knew that Paul would be pissed about this, pissed about the fact she had worked later than him and wasn't able to make dinner, pissed that she didn't do as she's told, pissed she was on Karev's service once again. He didn't like that, " _you gonna' screw him next Jo? Huh?"_ He had shouted at her on her third day just after she told him how great she thought Dr. Karev was with kids. It was her own fault he got angry, she shouldn't have said anything.

Jo huffed as she plopped her body down on to the bench in front of her locker, she just couldn't seem to find the energy to change out of her scrubs. She sat there for a few moments waiting for the last person in the locker room to leave so she didn't have to change in the bathroom stall, she hated that. It felt so unhygienic. Quickly checking that the entire room was clear she pulled her scrub top over her head, pulling her t shirt down where it had ridden up around her stomach. A few deep breathes later when the pain from her latest bruise had felt too much she started on her pants. If she took too long then Paul would have something to say about it, even if she would rather spend the rest of her night here.

"Hey! What d'you think you're doing?" The sound of the gruff, manly voice startled her and made her jump back in fear. She swiftly pulled her pants back up to round her waist, tied them and turned around to see who exactly it was.

It was Alex.

"Oh my god!" She put her hand to her chest, "are you allowed to be in here?" She asked after a few moments of heavy breathing.

"You're in a hospital locker room, princess," Alex moved his hands to his hips, "not a spa retreat. Yes, I'm allowed to be in here," this caused Jo to furrow her eyebrows at him. _Princess? "_ Again, where are you going?"

Jo furrowed her eyebrows at her boss once again, "urmm?" She pointed to her bag and clothes, "I'm going home?" It was pretty obvious.

"Yes, and I thought you were scrubbing in with me later? On Tate Jones' surgery?" _Crap._ She had completely forgot about that when Hunt has told her to go home.

"Urghh, I've maxed my hours. I can't even stay if I wanted to," Jo didn't know why Alex would go out of his way to come find her and remind her that she was scrubbing in. When she had first asked he had told her he didn't need her and the second time he had told her she was a pain in his ass, it was only the third time he finally gave in and asked her to leave him alone. Now, he was seeking her out just to ask her to come.

"Right. You didn't think to mention that before you left?" Jo huffed, there's nothing she would love to do more than get in to that OR – but she is physically not allowed.

"I didn't think you'd run around looking for me. Scared me half to death, by the way."

"It's not my fault you're so jumpy, I only have to look at you and you'll flinch," Jo hadn't thought she was that bad, she usually brushed off the light touching from her colleagues but it was just the abrupt way Alex would come up to her and bark orders sometimes, it reminded her of the way Paul would start shouting at her before he started. Started hitting her. Not that she knew much about Alex but she guesses the fear came from her current situation.

"Do you mind? I'm tired and I stink, I want to go home and take a shower," he didn't argue with her, he just huffed and stomped out of the locker room.

Jo was relieved. Alex could be intrusive, if she's late and she told him it was traffic; where's the traffic? Were you alone? How long were you in it? What time did you leave home? She really didn't want him to start asking her why she would flinch at the slightest touch or yelp when he comes up behind her, it was odd behaviour and Jo knew that. Most of her colleagues brushed it off to her personality, well she knew Steph had, she would sometimes make jokes and prod her about it in a joking and friendly manner.

She resumed changing into her own clothes, she really needed to shower and the thought of going home was making her hot and sweaty. So, once she was done she slowly walked out to her car – dreading what was waiting for her at home.

Jo quietly entered the large house she had been calling home for the past few months, she could see the light flashing from the large flat screen television to her right, it was some football game. _God, I hope his team is winning._ She slowly stepped around the furniture that decorated the landing. She was hoping to have a short shower before she had to encounter Paul.

"Why're you late?" She heard from the lounge area as the television was turned down. Jo changed her direction and went towards where her husband was situated on the couch.

"Sorry, a big trauma came in before I was about to leave," _deep breaths,_ "they needed the hands." Paul started laughing.

"They needed **you**?" She took a step back, how did Paul make her feel so small with just three words. "Did they get the short straw? You were the only intern left?" He looked up from the television to stare at her. Jo felt holes being burned into her from his eyes. "Huh? You gonna' talk?"

"They asked me to stay, so…"

"You're full of shit! You were on Karev's service again, right?" He got up off his seat and came towards her, prodding his finger into her chest. At her nod, he prodded harder, pushing her back.

"How are you **so** stupid, Jo? How do you not see that he probably wants to sleep with you?" She shook her head as he was inches away from her face, raising his voice. "You like it don't you? You want to screw him, right?" You wanna' fuck him, Jo?" He prodded and prodded.

"No," she whispered,

"Speak the fuck up!" Paul continued to shout into her face.

"NO!" She found her voice and shouted back.

He took a step back, "I was talking to Murphy today, about the new interns. About you." His face remained cold as he lowered his voice and continued to stare at her. "Turns out she had no idea you were married. Never mentioned it. Said you had spent a lot of time with her and a few other interns but never cared to bring it up, why's that, Jo?"

 _Fuck._ She knew that she was only setting herself up for trouble by keeping it a secret for so long, it had just never came up in conversation – she had told Alex on her very first day, she wasn't hiding the fact she was married, just who she was married to.

"It never came up." Just as fast as her voice came, it soon again was lost as she saw the darkness in her husband's eyes. She knew no matter what she said the same thing would come, no matter if she whispered and reasoned, no matter if she screamed and shouted, he is still going to leave bruises on her body.

"It didn't come up?" He scrunched his face up at her as if she was the worst thing he had even laid his eyes on, "so when your friend was telling you how she had been working with me you didn't think to mention that I was your husband?" _Yes._ "When they were all discussing the surgeons they wanted to work with you didn't think to mention that you were married to one?" _Yes._

Paul put his hand to his face and rubbed at his eyes, "you embarrassed of me Jo? Because if anyone should be embarrassed, it should be me!" He moved closer to Jo once again, "or is it that you wanted the younger doctors to believe you were single? Flirt a little bit? Get the attention you have always been so desperate for?" She shook her head.

"You know, the whole poor orphan play is getting old now. Mommy issues, daddy issues, whatever. I should be enough, Jo. I give you everything, I gave you a home. I'm more than an enough." He always did this. Bring up her past, as a ploy to make her stay with him. Like he needed to convince her that he was all she had, all she ever had. She knew she owed him, that being the only reason she hasn't ran far, far away from him yet.

"I know, Paul. I just…I thought you wouldn't want them to know yet." He had her pinned to the wall with his hand either side of her head, _don't say anything stupid._ "I didn't want to embarrass you if…if…I messed up."

Paul threw his head back in laughter, Jo knew better than to think this would be the end of the conversation. Just as fast as Paul started to laugh, his eyes once again turned sinister. He swallowed hard and stared into his young wife's eyes before he grabbed her by the hair and shoved her down to the floor. Standing over her he started to kick her in the stomach, the chest, her legs. Wherever he felt like.

He couldn't have been doing it for more than a few minutes but it felt like hours to Jo, he finally stopped the movements of his legs when he heard that Jo had stopped screaming. Kneeling down so he was almost eye level with Jo, he once again grabbed her by the hair and tugged her head up to look at him.

"Go take a shower, you need to make dinner. I'm starving." He let go of her hair and watched as her head dropped back down to the floor before getting up from where Jo was lying almost lifelessly, he went back to the television and continued to watch the football game.

Jo continued to lay there for a few moments to be sure that Paul was done, when she was confident that he has, she struggled to gain the strength in her arms to pick herself up. She got to her knees and leant her hand on a nearby table, using it as leverage as she stumbled to her feet. She stumbled up the stairs, and she almost fell over as she made her way to their shared bedroom. Jo fully collapsed once she was alone in the bathroom, with the door locked.

The shower was sure to sting as she turned it on and put the temperature up to near boiling, just how she wanted it. If there was anything she hated most about her body then it was the deep purple and green splotches that decorated almost her entire stomach, thighs, arms and chest. _Disgusting_ , she thought as she stared at herself in the mirror before she got into the shower.

She won't blame herself this time. She used to do everything right; cook his dinner for when he was home, be by his side whenever he needed her, came straight home as soon as classes had finished. She had done everything that he told her he wanted. Despite this he would still hit her; the dinner was slightly burnt, you talked too much to one of his colleagues, you were half an hour late. So, she knew that no matter what she did, right or wrong, he would still find a way to hurt her. That wasn't her fault. It was his. He was a monster. Well, that was something she had been trying to convince herself – _It's not you, it's him._

She couldn't leave him, she owed him so much. If it wasn't for him then she would have spent every summer and every break from college in her car, she would have laid awake scared every night that she would be robbed, or raped, like she had when she was sixteen. He gave her a home, and at first, he was so sweet. He promised her everything, he treated her like a queen, took her out for fancy dinners and bought her beautiful clothes. She thought they were in love but what they had wasn't love, it was control. He controlled her.

Jo wanted out of this viscous circle she had found herself living in, and she wanted it fast.

Stepping out from the shower, she moisturised her legs with a new cream she had bought – it promises to improve the appearance of blemishes, _hopefully._ I guess the one good thing about her situation was that money was never an issue – but yet again, that was one more thing he could use against her.

She walked out of the bathroom that joined on to their bedroom and slipped on her robe, she sat down on her bed and looked around the room. She enjoyed the peace when he wasn't in the room, the silence of having no one in her face or barking orders at her. The silence was quickly diminished as the door creaked open and he stepped inside.

Jo turned her head and wouldn't dare to look at him, she knew what was coming next. He silently walked over to her and sat next to where she was seated on the bed, Paul went to intertwine his hand with Jo's but she quickly pulled away and put the hand he had tried to grab in her other. Deciding to stroke one of her bruises that she was sporting on her leg instead, as if to comfort her. How could he provide any comfort when he was the one to do that to her?

"Jo," he said breathlessly, "I'm…I'm sorry, ok? I didn't want to hurt you." He continued to stroke the mark on her leg as he inched closer. "You just know how to make me so mad. I didn't want to hurt you but how could I not when you push all of my buttons?" She shook her head in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, it's just because…because I love you," She furrowed her brows and turned her face even further away from him so he couldn't see, "and you're mine, I hate the thought of you and other guys."

"He's my boss." She told him with her face still turned away.

"I know, I know. Guess I'll have to get you on my service more often?" He smirked and picked up his hand from its place on her thigh and turned her head to face him. "No more being late home, or gushing over your male colleagues." Jo opened her mouth to protest, she hardly gushed about anyone. She liked Alex's work and she thought Shepherd was a great surgeon, that was it. Nothing about appearance – just work. Before she could utter a single word of protest, Paul planted a hard kiss on her lips. He attempted to deepen it by shoving his tongue down Jo's throat but Jo was not in the mood tonight, she was sore and upset.

"I thought you were hungry?" She pushed him back slightly, "I could eat too." She told him calmly, hoping not to anger him for the second time tonight. She doesn't think she'll make it to work if he tries to go for round two.

"Ok. Go fix dinner," She nodded and left the bedroom, how can someone who claims to love her act so violently towards her? What was she doing so wrong?


	3. Chapter 3

"Everything with Amy looks great, you guys are all set to go home tonight." Jo looked up to her attending who was giving his most recent patient's parents the all clear to pack up their daughter's things and head home. She smiled at the parents as they sighed with relief and could not stop thanking Alex and herself. The expressions on their faces right then was one of the things she loved about her job the most. Giving the good news and seeing the relief and the happiness written all over the patients and their loved ones faces. It was up-lifting.

Once Alex was done talking with the parents he made his way down the hall, passing multiple patient rooms as they went by. Jo followed her boss with the tablet in hand to answer any questions he may ask, she looked to her right into one of the rooms before carrying on. _Wait._ She took a few step backs and looked into the window of the room once again. Tate Jones? Alex was supposed to do his surgery the other night when she had to leave.

The little boy who was sat eating his dinner had noticed the eyes that were on him and turned his head to see who it was, giving his doctor a wave and a smile once he realised. Jo followed his motions before she started to jog back to Karev who must have been walking pretty fast considering he was out of her sight.

"Hey! I thought you took Tate Jones into surgery the other night?" She asked him one she had caught up with him, "did something go wrong? You haven't asked me to check up on him or-"

"His mom had over-heard Grey talking to me about how Stadler's life changing experimental procedure would be the perfect surgery for Tate," he huffed as he continued to take large steps towards the NICU, "I told her the complications but she thought it was the best way to go for her son." Jo nodded, this still didn't explain why he was still here. Paul didn't talk much about his work unless it was to brag – if the surgery had gone well then she would have heard all about it.

"So did it go well?" She quizzed.

"I paged him over the weekend, but it wasn't urgent. Tate's case isn't a matter of life or death right now. This surgery wasn't a good enough reason for him to take time out of his precious busy schedule over the weekend to come in." He took the tablet from Jo's hands and started scrolling through it. "He's such an ass, who does he think he is? This isn't some golf game he's avoiding, this is saving lives." Jo nodded, she agreed. She and Paul had done nothing over the weekend, he had disappeared for a few hours on the Sunday, he hadn't told her where he was going but he had mentioned that some old friends from home were in town. She guessed he had gone somewhere with them.

"He never mentioned anything to me," _crap._ Jo hadn't thought before she spoke, she knew word was going to get out soon – especially now Leah knew, she had managed to expertly avoid the rest of her interns this morning by coming in half an hour early for pre rounds.

"Why would he tell you?" Alex furrowed his eyebrows and looked up from the tablet at Jo. "Whatever, we're doing the surgery later today. Now that it's a completely different procedure I'm actually going to need you. So, you can still scrub in." Surgery with Paul? Jo wasn't quite so sure she liked the idea of being belittled in front of so many people. "No need to beg, no need to get down on your hands and knees to thank me. You're welcome, Wilson."

Jo laughed at Alex's immature joke, "I wasn't going to beg, I was actually thinking maybe…maybe with Robbins still being gone that you might need me out here rather than in the OR?" It was only her third week and she was feeling as if Paul was already affecting her learning.

"One minute you're begging me to scrub in, now you're asking me if you can sit out?" Jo knew she sounded ridiculous, what intern doesn't want to scrub in on a huge surgery? "I told you I need you in there, Wilson. So you'll be in there." Leave it to Alex to finally give her some real learning opportunities when she really did not want them.

"When's the surgery?" She took the tablet from his hands in the same manner he had done to her, she was really starting to get along with Karev. He could be arrogant and rude but he was easy to talk to, she didn't feel as if she was being told what to do by her superior but rather, being told what to do by her equal. Despite the first week when he would constantly demand things from her, she was putting that down to stress with Robbins being gone, he had started to speak to her in a less dismissive way. They would joke around with each other and give each other a hard time, it was just so easy.

"Later." Even if they did get along, that didn't mean he still wasn't a jerk.

"You know you're the first person I've spoke to who doesn't like Pau-" she shook her head and smiled at her boss who had carried on walking, "Dr. Stadler." She corrected herself, the slip went unknown to Alex.

"McArsehole?" He raises his eyebrows and looks at her as they walk side by side, "guys a jerk. He's been here, what? Three? Four months? And he walks around like he owns the place, throwing out his big new and innovative procedures here and there, give me a break." Jo laughed, it felt nice knowing that not everyone was completely, head over heels, in love with her husband. Like a breath of fresh air.

"Not to mention, the guy's **so** arrogant!" Jo laughed at the hypocrisy of Alex calling someone arrogant, "what the other doctors see in him? I don't know!" Jo laughed once again, was Alex jealous? She hoped not, Paul was nothing to be jealous of. "What you heard about him anyway? He's still pretty new here, I reckon he's hiding something." Is this what she did now? Gossiped with her attending in between work? What could Alex thing Paul was hiding, from what she had seen of Paul in work he had acted like the average wealthy, egotistical male.

"Just that he's new, one of the other interns that I talk to has been on his service for a while. So, she talks about him a lot. They all…they all seem to love him, but…" they had reached the NICU, and they were making their way over to the next patient they had to check up on.

"But? You don't see the infatuation either? Good." Before Jo could reply to Alex's comment they were standing in front of more frightened parents. Alex began to let the parents in on what exactly was going on, but Jo's mind had wandered. What did he mean by 'good'? Good that someone agreed with him? Good that **she** had agreed with him? Not that she even had, he didn't even give her the chance to answer.

Shaking her head, she turned to the parents of the very tiny baby that was currently in the incubator and smiled.

"This'll be fun! Me and you, in surgery!" Paul flashed a smile at his wife as they both scrubbed their hands. "Well, Karev will be there but…" he trailed off, Jo didn't respond to her husband's eagerness to get in there together. He wasn't going to be encouraging or teach her, he was going to tell her that her work was not adequate and belittle her. No, this wasn't going to be fun.

As Paul finished scrubbing his hands, Alex walked in with a groan and a roll of his eyes which were pointed at Paul's back. Following Jo's actions, Alex started to scrub in also.

"Why do you look so down? This is gonna' be a huge surgery!" Alex looked towards the intern, "that's if if goes right. Let's hope Stadler knows what he's doing," he raises his eyebrows in the direction of Paul. Should she tell Alex now that Paul was her husband? Would it even come out in surgery? Both doctors will have a lot to focus on, Jo doubts her love life will come up as OR gossip between these two.

Although, it would be unfair to blind side Alex with this. It was only this morning that he was unknowingly calling his new friends husband 'McArsehole' to her face. What would he think of her? Not sticking up for her significant other but, laughing as he went on to describe how arrogant he was. Jo decided not to tell him, thinking that her chances of this being brought up were pretty slim. Oh, was she wrong.

Rather than replying to Alex, she shot him a smile and made her way through the door and into the OR. She was stood across from Paul, and next to where Alex will be stood in just a few moments.

"Don't do anything stupid, Jo! This is my study and if things go wrong, it's on me!" He came as close to her face as he could be considering there was a body in between the pair of them. "So, you better not fuck this up." He whispered in her face and all she could do was nod. How dare he. Paul had taken almost no interest in Jo's medical career, unless you can count obsessing over if she wants to sleeping with her attending, and he had no clue what she has learnt. What happened to this being fun? As an intern it's not like she would be doing much in here as it was, now Paul's in here she'll be lucky if she touches a scalpel.

"Right, let's do this!" Alex said dryly as he joined them at the table.

"I hope you read the study, Dr. Karev." If Jo hadn't of understood why Alex thought Paul was so arrogant, now she did. His eyes were smug and she bet underneath that mask he was smirking slyly. It made her squirm.

"Worry about your work, I know what I'm doing." Alex replied without a single look at Paul.

"My work is nothing to worry about." Jo cringed, the childish back and forth between the two men was sure to put her off this surgery. She didn't want to stand in the room for one more second with the way Paul was acting, let alone hours. "Right, Jo?" Jo looked up from where her eyes were focused on the patients body as Alex went in. She nodded, what did he want from her? _Oh boy, Dr. Stadler is the best surgeon this hospital has ever seen._ Plus, she didn't want the fact that they were married to come up – she was going to tell Alex, but when they were alone.

"It's Dr. Wilson." Alex stated with his eyes still glued to the patient, Jo cringed once again. Alex was being nice, he thought that Paul was disrespecting her. If this surgery couldn't get any worse, Paul started to laugh. Loudly, still managing to keep his hands steady and his eyes focused.

"What?" Paul questioned through his laughter.

"It's fine." Jo's voice was stern as she continued to assist with the procedure, it was mainly directed at Alex – he was being nice but Jo wanted him to stop. She would never speak to Paul with that tone, she knew she would have to pay for it later if she did.

"You called her Jo. It's Dr. Wilson." Alex continued which caused Jo to groan.

"I think it would be a bit odd if I called my wife by her last name, don't you think?" Alex's head shot up as he glared at the man across from him, Jo also looked up for a moment to look at Alex. To see his reaction. He turned his head towards her, she didn't know what the look in his eyes meant, hurt? Betrayal? Anger?

They looked at one another for a moment, Jo was trying to process what Alex's reaction, or non-reaction, meant. Once the moment was over they both turned their attention to what they should really be focused on, the glance they had shared did not go unnoticed by Paul.

The rest of the surgery was done in silence.

Jo had been waiting for Alex by the nurses station for almost twenty minutes, the surgery had finished almost two hours ago and Alex hadn't uttered a single word to her since. He just grumbled to himself and snatched the tablet off of her whenever he needed information, she knew she didn't tell him the complete truth – but she never lied to him. He shouldn't be **this** mad.

She had finished all his post-ops and was hoping to fill him in on everything before she left for home, she knew Paul was going to have something to say about today; why did he still not know I was your husband? Do you like him? Do you want to sleep with him? Although, Paul was usually much more crude with his words. She really didn't want a repeat of what had happened just a few days ago, she was left barely being able to walk and had lost almost all feeling in her lower abdomen. Jo knew better than to wish for things that would simply not happen. She pushed the beating to the back of her mind and continued to scroll through the notes, making sure everything had been done before she clocked out.

She felt a gush of wind fly past her and glanced up to see Alex had walked straight past her.

"Hey!" She walked as fast as she possibly could to catch up with him, he was basically running. "I finished all your post-ops, Amy's mom is a little worried about taking her home so early, I told her-" he once again snatched the tablet from her hands.

"Are you upset with me?" She asked him as they continued to walk, "because I'm sorry I never told you about Paul, it's just…"

"Just what, Jo?" He came to an abrupt stop and turned to her, "I couldn't give two craps who you're married to. It could be freakin' Santa Clause and I wouldn't give a crap!" He started waving his hands in the air as he raised his voice. "What I do care about is you embarrassing me in there, I thought he was being disrespectful. I had every intention to stick up for you, and you didn't even bother to tell me before he started laughing in my face." She gulped, she had realised that was unfair.

"Also, wasn't it only this morning you were letting me call him 'McArsehole'? Were you asking me about what I thought just so you could run back to him and give him all the juicy details?" She shook her head. She wasn't good with being shouted at, it sounded immature but she was always brought back to the way Paul would shout at her, like she was nothing. A piece of trash on the sidewalk.

"It's not like that!"

"I'm a grown man, I don't need to deal with your immature shit. I don't want to be friends with someone like that."

"Listen! It's not like that!" She shouted this time, "I never told you or…or anyone for that matter about me and Paul. I wanted to be my own person, which is why I go by Wilson. I didn't want to be 'Dr. Stadler's wife'. I want to be Dr. Jo Wilson, have my own name." She took a deep breathe, "I would always be under his shadow if the first thing people knew me as was his wife." Her voice was almost a whisper as Alex just stared at her, shaking his head. Jo sat on a gurney that was pushed to the side of the wall.

"Personally, I would never have thought of you as that." This made Jo smile, she thinks he's the first person who had ever said that to her. Back in Massachusetts, where they had lived prior to Seattle, she was always known as Paul's wife – she was pretty sure that his friends didn't even know her first name. Alex moved to sit next to where she was placed on the gurney.

"When I was applying for internships I had told him about using my own name, I thought he'd be made but…but he agreed."

"Why?" Alex's eyebrows furrowed, Stadler didn't seem like the 'do whatever you want' kind of husband. Surely, when you get married you want everyone to know that you are married. He guesses Jo did have a point, it can be hard for doctors who have a legacy to compete with. Just look at Grey, Alex thought.

"He just did. When I got a place here, my first choice, he jumped at the chance to come with me. There was an opening in general, so…" she sighed, "I was planning to do my internship and residency here then maybe head somewhere closer to him when I passed my boards. I knew it would be a long wait, but I just wanted to be able to achieve something on my own. I should have expected him to follow me, he hadn't liked the idea." She sighed one again.

"Look, I'm sorry. I overreacted a little, being with a guy like Stadler must be stressful enough without a douche of an attending giving you crap." She gave him a playful glare and a small smile, "you should have told me. I thought we were getting along these past few weeks, I wouldn't have told no body."

"Don't worry about that, scream it from the rooftops if you want. Leah Murphy found out a few days ago, I've been avoiding the lot of them since. She's probably told almost everyone now, must have missed you." She gave him a small laugh, _good old Leah._

"You should talk to them. You'll realise soon that they'll be some of the greatest friends you'll ever have." He nudged her shoulder with his, and he could have thought he saw a genuine smile rather than the fake ones she had been dishing out to him.

"I guess. I get a funny feeling that one of them doesn't like me too much, though."

"Don't care about that, all my friends now didn't like me at the beginning! Now, they love me." Jo laughed loudly, he was back to being arrogant – she won't admit it out loud but, she had missed it.

"Love you?" She raised her eyebrows at him but her smile told him that she was only joking around.

"They **adore** me!" She slapped his chest, he almost felt an urge to grab it. Hold it. They were dainty and soft and her attempted slap couldn't have felt any harder than a graze. She was cute, Alex thought. Hot too, _very very hot_.

Alex decided that this was a good time to put some distance in between him and the brunette as he stood up from where he was sat. "Even if you had told me from the start, I still would have thought of you as Jo." He smiled at her, "actually, I probably would have saw you as Wilson but…but you get it." With that he turned around and walked away. Jo may have finished but he still had hours left before he could clock out.


	4. Chapter 4

"Jo! We're heading to the bar, you **have** to come this time!" Stephanie ambushed Jo as she walked into the locker room, this was the third time just this week she has asked her. After almost a month of working with these guys she had only met them outside of work twice, both times Paul had been working nights due to a busy schedule, as an attending it was rare that he ever stayed that late.

Jo laughed at her friends eagerness as she massaged Jo's shoulders, as if she was hyping her up for their night of drinking. Jo hated turning them down, she felt like they were all becoming good friends and she was being left behind, she still barely knew them. Except Stephanie, she had learnt a lot about Stephanie – maybe it was because the outgoing curly haired woman liked to over share.

"Oh please! When has Jo ever said yes to drinking at the bar with us?" Leah piped up from the bench she was sitting on, tying her shoe laces. She shot the other three a smirk and then turned to Jo, her face happened to have changed into a straight glare. Leah was becoming almost unbearable, she was always around the corner to make a smug comment or undermine Jo. "It's below your standards, right Jo?" And she loved to make Jo look like she thought she was better than the rest of them.

"You know what, sure." She smiled up at Steph from the bench where she had just sat down, "I'll come to the bar!" She then turned to Heather and Shane who looked happy that she would be joining them and then down to Leah, who couldn't have looked more displeased. _Good._

"Great! We're getting wasted tonight." Steph said grabbing her clothes out of her locker to change, "I've had the worst day, I'm on Karev's service. I don't know how you dealt with him, Jo." Steph looked down at her friend who had started to lightly giggle. "He's so cocky, and he snatches everything! No please, no thank you. What ever happened to a gentleman?"

"If that's what you want, then I can be a gentleman." Shane winked at Steph, the three other girls couldn't hold back their giggles as Steph pretended to gag.

"Seriously, Jo? You said he was funny…and nice." She made a disgusted face and pretended to shiver. "Were you lying to make me feel better about Grey?" Steph had a love hate relationship when it came to working with Grey – she loved her work but she hated being on Medusa's service.

"Pffft, he's not nice! He just has a thing for Jo, it's **so** obvious!" Leah's ears must have piped up when she thought she heard gossip. "He would flirt with her in front of Stadler and everything." Jo rolled her eyes at Leah, anything to bring her husband up – the girl was obsessed. The rest of them had found out about Jo's marital status just hours after Leah had, she didn't expect anything less.

Steph had quizzed her on why she had not told them, and Jo had explained in the exact same words she had explained to Alex. She was Jo Wilson, not Mrs. Stadler. Steph was a lot more understanding than she had originally expected, she hadn't give her new friend enough credit. After talking to Steph, for the second time that week she had finally felt like she had someone in her corner. She felt less alone.

"You think?" Steph turned to Jo who only shook her head.

"No way. He was a jerk at first to me too, once you're on your second week with him, he'll start to soften up." Steph nodded and smiled, it was nice to have someone who so easily believed her, Jo thought.

"Right. Whatever." Leah said as she slammed her locker shut, "see you guys at the bar." She gave them a small wave without lifting her head up from looking into her purse for her keys.

"We're gonna' head over too, you guys won't be long?" Heather asked as she and Shane grabbed their stuff and headed to the door.

"Jo needs to change, we'll be like 20!" Steph waved the rest of them off. "You need to get wasted, too! I saw you running after Stadler today…is that a tough love thing?" Steph turned her attention back to Jo, "being hard on you because he want's you to do well?"

Jo wished. Paul would love nothing more than for Jo to fall flat on her ass, he would watch in delight and clap his hands as she decided to quit pursuing a medical career. Jo was starting to second guess her abrupt decision to go to the bar, Paul will be pissed. **So** pissed. She hadn't even thought about him at first, which was odd – he was constantly showing up in her mind when he shouldn't even be a thought. All she had thought about was wiping the smug look off of Leah Murphy's face.

She could just not let him know, let him wonder where she was all night and then when she came home he could dish out whatever punishment he thought she deserved. Or, she could tell him and be screamed at, and be belittled into changing her mind and coming home with him. Then he could dish out her punishment for even thinking about it earlier. Either way, the outcome of the night will be the same. She will end up being brutally punched in the gut until she was a collapsed ball of blood on their bathroom floor. It was an endless cycle.

"I hope so, or he just likes to see me struggle." Steph laughed at what she thought was a harmless joke.

Jo bit her lip, still unsure of what to do. She won't tell him. Grabbing her clothes and walking towards the bathroom, once in there she changed her mind and decided to text Paul to tell him that she had to work late tonight and was unsure of when she would be home. Not that this would be a better option for her, she was still going to end up in the same foetal position later tonight – but this just makes it better than what it could be.

Jo wasn't planning on getting wasted like Steph had suggested, a few drinks and then she'll get herself off. She wanted to have a good time but she needed to be sober by the time she got home, and not smelling like booze. Exiting the stall once she was in her own clothes, Jo made her way to the mirror and started to apply some light makeup from the bag she had kept at the hospital. She was told that this was a good idea as intern's hours are so hectic that they never knew if they had the time to go home and change.

"Ready?" Steph asked as Jo reappeared, "you look hot!" Stephanie was always stunned at how her new friend managed to look so perfect without even trying, she must have only been wearing some mascara and lip-gloss but she looked gorgeous. And when you had a tiny waist and curves like Jo, any outfit looked amazing. _God_ , Steph was jealous. Maybe Jo could teach her the perfect, no effort look.

Jo laughed, "shut up, let's go!" Steph smiled back at her friend as they walked out of the hospital together. Jo had to do some deep breathing to try and get her heart to stop pumping so fast, she was scared. She had never gone out and lied to Paul whilst he was at home, at least when he was working he was too busy to try and track her down – or he had no proof she had been out.

"So, that's when I was like, this has to stop." Heather had been telling the story of how she had 'saved' a patient for the last half hour. "I went over to him and I basically just…I kicked him out. Well, Hunt and I kicked him out. I'm gonna' take some credit considering it was my idea!" It wasn't even a surgery story, it was a story about what she had been doing that she shouldn't have been doing whilst her attending was in surgery.

"What does this have to do with Leah's favourite drink being tequila again?" Shane asked. They had been discussing their drinking preferences before Heather had called out 'oh my god! That reminds me'. Jo laughed as Shane shook his head at Heather, who clearly thought her story was one for the grand kids.

"One for you, one for you, one for you, one for you and one for me!" Steph had made her way back to the round bar table that they had all been sitting at in the middle of the room, placing a shot of tequila in front of each of them. She was already tipsy, which explained how eager she was to get the rest of them drunk. Calling each round, her round, just to convince them all to drink more. Jo promised herself not to get too drunk, but Paul hadn't text back and she had already prepared herself to go home, so why the hell not.

Jo downed the shot, making a gagging noise once it had hit the back of her throat. Steph clapped and cheered as all her friends joined her. She **really** wanted to get drunk tonight.

"Another?" Steph asked as she got up from the seat she had only sat down on moments ago.

"I'll come with you!" Jo wanted a beer, or a vodka lemonade, rather than the shots that Steph had continuously brought over for the past ten minutes. And she also wanted to keep an eye out for her friend, make sure she wasn't spending too much money of worse, accepting drinks off sleazy guys.

Jo hadn't realised just how much the alcohol had gone to her head until she got off her stool and tried to soberly walk up to the bar, Steph was already there and had started demanding shots from the bartender once again.

"Sorry she's had a rough day. Four tequila shots and a vodka lemonade, please!" She asked the bartender kindly, hoping to make up for her friends behaviour.

"Woah." Jo heard from her right hand side of the bar, "and…" she turned to see who was the owner of such a deep and disgustingly croaky voice, the man was looking her up and down as he bit his lip with a satisfied grin. _Urgh_. He could not have looked anymore sleazy. "Just what might your name be?" He titled his head at Jo.

Jo shook her head at the man, he wasn't terribly bad looking but there was just something about him that looked sleazy, maybe it was the way he started drooling when his eyes landed on her ass. Or, maybe it was the fact that he had looked her up and down so openly in the first place, and who hits on a girl like that anymore?

"Thanks," She thanked the bartender as he set the five drinks down, Jo went into her purse and started digging for the money to give him, she wouldn't let Steph pay again. She sighed in relief as she found it, beginning to think she had forgotten it in her locker. _That would have been embarrassing._ As she lifted her hand to pass over the money she watched at the man besides her went to pay. _Who the hell does he think he is?_

She only meant to tap his hand away but it happened to be more of a harsh slap. "Thanks," she repeated once again when the bartender took her money and left. She looked over to the man who looked as if she had just killed a puppy right in front of his face. Who did he think he was? Jo didn't need the charity and she surely was not going to let any old sleazy man buy her a drink just so they could hold it over her head later. Taking a drink from him meant that he would expect something in return, she didn't have to know him – she could tell by the smirk that was across his face when she had first looked at him.

"Bitches like you don't know when to take a favour." He grunted shoving his money back into his pocket.

"Excuse me?" Jo raised her eyebrows, "what did you call me?" Jo moved her hands to her hips.

"Bitch. I called you a bitch." He muttered as he took a gulp of his beer. "You think you're too good for me. It's cool, you're hot but I'm not into stuck up bitches."

"You don't even know me!" She raised her voice slightly, she was getting pissed. One, she was married and two, she can perfectly well pay for her own drinks. Fuck him. He didn't know her. "Fuck you." She muttered before turning her attention back to the drinks laid out in front of her.

The man turned back around to her and violently grabbed at her wrist, to stop her from walking away from him.

"So you took my advice?" Jo was cut off from aggressively screaming at the man by Alex. He stood in between where she was stood and where the man was hunched over the bar. The man let go when Alex appeared in between them and started to talk to Jo. _Thank god._ Jo was about to tear that man apart. She was weak when it came to Paul, but no one else. She would not let anyone else hurt her, she was getting real tired of being a victim.

"Who was that?" Alex asked as the man walked over to another table.

"No one. He was a sleaze." She told him as she turned her head to find Stephanie, where had her friend gone. She probably should have been paying more attention.

"Yeh, no kidding. What made him grab you?" He asked with furrowed brows, like he was concerned. Jo laughed off the idea, her and Alex were only work…friends? Were they friends now? He had told her last week that he basically didn't want to be friends with her, but then they talked and they've been joking with one another ever since. Maybe they were friends.

"He called me a bitch, I told him to go fuck himself." She was still scouring the room for Steph.

"Oooh." He mocked, "were you being a bitch?" He was laughing lightly.

"No, he tried to pay for my drinks!"

"The audacity! How dare he." He gasped, still mocking her. Jo laughed at him despite the fact she didn't think the situation was funny.

"If I let him buy me the drinks then I'd owe him something. He'd ask me to come home with him or whatever. He'd be a lot more pissed if I had let him buy me the drinks and then turned him down." She shook her head, why didn't men see this? "Plus, I'm not being a bitch. I'm married, I can't be accepting drinks from men at bars." She sipped on her own drink before going to grab the others to take them back to their table.

"What about friends? You want another?" So, they were friends. Good to know. She shook her head at him and smiled.

"No thanks, I'm all set! You seen Steph by any chance?" She asked him, she'd have to go back to the others to check with them too.

"Steph?"

"Edwards?" She furrowed her brows, Steph had been working with him for the past few days. _Jerk._

"Right. Glasses, curly hair? Saw her at a table with some other interns." He sipped his beer and Jo sighed with relief. "You with them?" Alex waved as he saw his friends come in, Jo recognised them as Yang, Grey and Avery. She hadn't realised that so many of the doctors hung out here? Would this get back to Paul? Well, surely it would – she was with Leah Murphy, she hadn't thought that through.

"Yep. I'm about to head back to them…" he nodded.

"Knew I gave good advice" he smirked and in return she repeated his words in a mocking tone, causing him to laugh.

"See you around." She smiled at him one last time before grabbing the drinks and making her way through the crowd and back to her friends.

He waved her off, his eyes moving to watch her retreating back. _God, she has a great ass._ If Jo wasn't married then she would be the perfect girl for Alex. She was funny, she was witty and she was smart, and she didn't get offended at his stupid jokes. She was so easy to get along with, he had barely known her a month and he felt comfortable when he was around her. He chalked it up to the fact that she was completely off limits, Alex wasn't about to sleep with a married woman – plus, he thinks he has more respect for Jo than that. Enough to not cause unnecessary trouble in her marriage, at least.

She could do a whole lot better than Stadler, Alex thought. The older guy was rude and obnoxious, one minute in a room with him and you'd think his head would explode from the constant growth of his ego. He also didn't like the way he spoke to Jo. Alex wasn't one to talk when it came to treating girls badly but, Jo was Paul's wife and he just…from what Alex had witnessed, and he had to admit that was very little, he spoke to her like crap. He recalls Paul telling her that she looked a mess after doing an all nighter, she probably did but you don't just say that – not in front of a class of interns.

He also remembers the time when he had asked Jo to do his interns skut, his intern was busy scrubbing in on a surgery with him. Jo was on Alex's service, not Stadler's. He was glad to hear that she had just turned around and walked straight back up to peds.

Not to mention, Jo was super hot too. Even in scrubs that had seen better days after a long shift, he would still totally bang her. She had the perfect round ass, for someone as tiny as Jo it was decent sized – he found himself wondering what it would feel like in his hands, what it would feel like if he squeezed it. Hard. She was pretty too, just last week he had found his eyes gazing at her full pink lips, he had thought they looked soft – and he wondered, just for a moment, what they would taste like. Sometimes he would look at her eyes, they weren't brown, they were like…copper against honey and he just couldn't stop himself from staring. Yes, she was hot. She was also off limits, and seemed to be happily married.

Just Alex's luck.


	5. Chapter 5

"You're sooooo pretty Jo, and just…soooo nice. Like! Like the dog I had when I was nine." Steph mused, "she was nice and…and real pretty." Jo nodded enthusiastically at her very, very drunk friend. Who doesn't love being compared to a dog?

"Don't you guys think Jo is pretty like a dog?" Steph asked the rest of the group, the night had started to die down. The bar was emptier than earlier and she could tell that Heather and Leah were thinking about leaving soon, they had both grabbed their jackets and were currently typing away on their phones. Jo didn't want to leave yet, she knew how happy Steph was about her coming. She couldn't leave early. Shane was still drinking also, she actually started to think differently of him. Sure, he was a cocky doctor but he was funny and he seemed to like hanging with a bunch on girls.

"Pffft. Steph you can't go around calling Jo, a dog!" Leah giggled, Jo bets that she was loving the fact Steph had likened her to a mutt.

"She's drunk, she doesn't mean it like that." Shane laughed, "she called her a nice and pretty dog. That's cool right, Jo?" He nudged her side as he continued to laugh. They all seemed to love the comparison.

"And you know what they say about dogs, Jo?" Steph had her head propped up by her hand as she leant her arms on the table with a bottle of beer in front of her. Maybe Steph has had enough, Jo decided she'll put her friend in a taxi after the next one. She knew she wanted to have fun so she won't make her go home **too** early.

"What do they say, Steph?" Heather asked.

Steph turned her head to look at the other intern, squinting her eyes she shook her head. "What are you talking about?" They all erupted in giggles as the alcohol has clearly gone to their friends head.

"I'm gonna take her home." Shane told them as he got up from his stool, the two other girls repeating his actions as they were going to leave too.

"Don't worry, I'll get a cab with her. She's on my way anyway." Shane shrugged and said his farewells before heading to the door, Leah and Heather followed suit. Jo waved them off and then turned back to Steph who still had her head firmly planted on the table. "Right. I gotta' figure out how I'm going to carry you off this bar." Jo muttered to no one in particular, Steph was too disoriented to listen.

Grabbing Stephanie's purse and her own, hiking them up to her shoulders as she attempted to move Stephanie's arms from underneath her head and grab her from her underarms. Jo was struggling, there had to be an easier way, right? Steph was only slightly taller than Jo, she could handle it. Jo did three quick shallow breaths before she rubbed her hands together and tried to lift Steph from her stool once more.

 _Oh god, nope._ Jo couldn't do this, as Jo pulled Steph from the stool she stumbled and Steph landed ass flat on the floor. The girl was lying limp on the dirty ground. "I literally just threw you on the floor, Steph. How are you so drunk you haven't realised?" She leant down so she was eye level with the girl who had her eyes closed and was muttering something under breath, all Jo made out was 'tequila' and 'cute boys'. Jo looked up from her position on the floor and laughed.

This felt so care free. Going to the bar with her friends, doing shots without a care, stumbling around to try and get her drunk friend home. This was something she missed so, so bad.

Before she had met Paul, she was a bit of a partier. In her first year of college, on the weekends when she didn't buckle down and study, she could go out with her college friends without a care – she had somewhere to go home to, she had people surrounding her. Physically, she wasn't alone. But once she had sobered up she realised just how truly alone she was, those people didn't know her, they were just there. She guesses she doesn't really miss that part. Then Paul came along and dancing around in skimpy outfits with cute boys was a distant memory. She hadn't missed it at first, but now…she thought about it a lot.

Jo shook her head from the thought of Paul. Right now, she was still care free, she was out and she wasn't the weak woman she had become so accustomed to being. She will think about Paul when she was two minutes away from her house – when reality would finally hit her.

"Ok. Let's go again." She took a deep breathe, "we're gonna try this one more time. If we don't do it then we're just gonna' have to stay here!"

"You need help?" Jo looked up to the figure that had just appeared in front of her, it was Alex. He really did love sneaking up on her.

"Oh my god! Please! She's no help." Jo watched as Alex gently tugged Stephanie up and placed her arm around his shoulder, starting to make his way to the door before turning to check that the two girls hadn't left anything on the table they had just vacated. Jo wasn't completely sober either, and he didn't know if she was the type of girl to be forgetful – yet.

"You gonna' get the door?" Alex asked as Jo opened the bar door and stepped in front of it to keep it open.

"If you had literally waited like, half a second then you would see that I am indeed, holding the door open for you." Jo rolled her eyes at Alex's impatience.

He hadn't really wanted to spend his night babysitting two interns, but as he watched Jo drop the other, _what did she say her name was again?_ hard onto the wooden floor, he couldn't just sit and watch her struggle. Besides, Meredith had left ten minutes ago to get home to her family and he was tired of listening to Christina whine about Owen. He had an early shift in the morning, he only came to the bar for a quick catch up with his friends.

Setting the disoriented intern down on to the bench that was just outside the bar, he looked over at Jo who had her forehead creased into a look of worry. "She's fine, you know. She just needs water." He shrugged.

"Really profound, Dr. Karev. You learn that in med school?" She mocked him with a laugh as he stated the obvious to her.

"Shut up. You look worried, so…" he couldn't help but smile when he saw her laughing, clearly thinking her joke was funny.

"It's just…I stink of booze." Jo whispered, it was almost inaudible, but Alex was close enough to hear.

"So? Have a shower and wash your clothes. What's the big deal?" She could be weird sometimes, and confusing. Why was Alex always attracted to weird and confusing women.

"Nothing. It's nothing, I'm being…weird." She voiced his thoughts, she really hadn't thought tonight through. First, lying to Paul and shutting off her phone so she couldn't read his replies. That was a stupid idea. Secondly, drinking as much as she had when she knew she had to go home to him, and Paul would most definitely be waiting up for her. That was a stupid idea.

"Ermm…you guys, do you…you need a ride home?" He doesn't know why he all of a sudden felt so awkward, he was just offering both of them a ride home. He was being nice, courteous. But, he wouldn't offer this to any old girl, he would offer Meredith and maybe, Cristina. So, Jo was like them, basically – she was his friend, that he was sexually attracted to.

"It's cool. I was just gonna' call a cab" she told him as she reached into her back pocket to grab her phone.

"That's stupid. I'll drive you both home. I've been drinking soda all night, if that's the problem." She raised her eyebrows at him, somehow she didn't believe him. "Trust me. I'm in early tomorrow."

She shifted from her right foot to her left, it would be a whole lot cheaper if she and Steph just caught a ride with Alex. It wasn't like he was just some stranger, she knew him. He does look like he's stone cold sober too, he's shivering from the brisk winds that keep blowing past them and he looked bored out of his mind. Looking towards her drunk friend who had moved to slump down on the sidewalk, she sighed.

"Ok." She went to grab Steph, "but no funny business." She joked with him. Had she known what Alex had been thinking earlier? Had she saw the way his eyes slowly rolled over as he watched her retreating backside? Had she caught on that he was crazy, unbelievably attracted to her? That he loved her bouncy brunette curls, and her fluttery lashes? _Stop. This is weird._ No way, she couldn't have.

"You wish, princess." He mocked back, although his face was straighter than ever. His blue balls were no laughing matter. He needed to get laid, and fast. He moved towards Stephanie as Jo did, passing his keys over to her so she could unlock the door whilst he picked up and dragged the drunk girl across the concrete and towards the car.

"So where am I going?" He asked as he climbed into the drivers side, with Jo to his right.

"Steph's on eighth, I'm on twelfth."

"God, you couldn't have told me I'd have to go half way across the city?" He huffed, this night was getting longer, and longer.

"One, you insisted, and two, you're overreacting." She crossed her legs, Alex would be the guy to offer you a favour and then change his mind half way through. She turned her head to look at him, this was the first time she was able to stare. He was focused on driving, usually if she looked, he would snap 'what are you looking at?' And she would shyly reply, 'nothing'. She wouldn't dare look for more than a moment again.

He was cute, she guessed. She liked the way he clenched his jaw in concentration, they way it looked so defined against his tan skin. She liked the way his muscles looked in that shirt, the way they were almost bulging out as he gripped the steering wheel. She liked the way his lips moved to the words of the music that was being played through the radio, yet nothing came out. She liked the way he would sometimes look at her when he thought she didn't notice, it was usually after she had made a stupid joke, he looked at her like...she doesn't know but she can't remember the last time she was looked at like that.

Alex was a nice guy. He tried to act nonchalant, like he didn't care, but she had caught him caring multiple times. Like that time in the OR when he didn't know the full story of her and Paul, or earlier that night when he saved her from that confrontation with that creepy guy. And just the other day she had told him how she had missed lunch, he surprised her later that day with a bag of chips and a can of Pepsi – it was little but it was just so…it was so sweet. Paul did stuff for her like that once.

He would take her out to dinner and let her order whatever she wanted, he would buy her dresses and shoes when she told him she had nothing. He would take her to exotic destinations when she had told him she had never, ever had a holiday. They were nice things. They were big things. Jo didn't want to sound ungrateful but, she found herself appreciating those dollar chips more than her and Paul's superficial trip to Hawaii.

Jo liked the little things, growing up she had nothing. So when someone did so much as offer her some fries, she was taken aback – something so little, seemed so kind. And just the fact that Alex had listened to her, when really she was only making conversation, she had missed lunch that day but she wasn't starving and she knew she could wait. Alex had heard what she said, as brushed off as it was, and within half an hour he was making sure she had something to eat. He had told her that it was because he can't have an intern fainting during surgery, but Jo felt like it was something more.

Maybe he was just a **really** good friend. He was good friends with Meredith, he did nice things for her all the time. Baby sit her kid, offer her advice and stuff. Alex has probably brought Meredith plenty of chips in his lifetime, cause their friends. And he and Jo were friends, it was a friends thing.

"Right. You want me to take her up alone or the both of us?" He asked as we pulled up outside of the apartment building, Steph had completely dozed off.

"I need your muscles, but if she woke up to you putting her to bed…she'd be mortified!" Jo laughed, "we should both go." Alex nodded his head and exited the car, making his way to Steph's door, lifting her up – bridal style. _God, that was…sexy?_ Jo admired how he did it with such ease, and he was sexy. She wasn't going to beat around the bush anymore, she thought Alex Karev was sexy. Married or not, he was sexy as hell.

Ten minutes later after Jo had locked Stephanie's door and slipped her key through the hole that was underneath, they made their way downstairs and back into Alex's car. "So what made her day so crappy she drank that much?" He asked as he turned on his engine.

"You." Alex knew he he could be a jerk, Jo wasn't going to lie to him.

"Me? What d'I do?" Jo was sure his surprise expression had to be a joke.

"She was on your service today, said you were a jerk." She shrugged.

"What's new. Tenth, right?"

"No. Twelfth."

They were silent for most of the ride, but it wasn't awkward, it was comfortable. Jo didn't feel like she had to talk to fill in the silence and Alex had felt the same. They liked it, like they could sit and talk for hours if they wanted. But, if they wanted to sit there in silence with not a single word, that was cool too. That was refreshing for Jo, she felt sometimes she spoke so much just so she would come across normal and like she was just like the rest of them, she would forget to breathe. Also, if there ever was a silence she would spend the whole time thinking of ways to fill it or sometimes how to leave the room. Deep breathing was how Jo coped with Paul or tried to cope.

She had learnt it from some talk show she saw on cable back when Paul first started to hit her. Three deep breathes, close your eyes, just breathe. She found it helped a little, not much, but she never expected wonders from a simple breathing exercise. Every little thing helps, right? She thought people might have thought she was crazy when she would need to stop for a moment to take a breather, she had become pretty good at not making it obvious – Paul would always ask her why she was acting weird when he would catch her. No one from work had mentioned it, she guessed they all just think she's a real heavy breather.

"Fancy neighbourhood." Alex broke the silence.

"Uh huh." Paul's money had brought the house, not hers. That was something she didn't really feel she was comfortable discussing.

"So, you moved straight into this place after med school?" Jo had it so lucky, Alex thought. She probably had all her med school debt paid off and he bets that her and Paul have a maid. You'd never have guessed by the way Jo acts that she had all this stuff, she was quiet and the only thing she would boast about was her suture technique. Unlike Paul, who would tell you just how well off he was whenever he had the chance. Alex knew about Paul's net worth before he knew he even had a wife, why did he feel the need to hide a woman like Jo? Attractive, funny, smart…the list could go on.

"Mmhmm" their old house was more subtle, more homely – she preferred it. "This one on the right." She told Alex just as they were coming up to the drive.

Alex pulled into the drive and parked up, "so…" he waited for her to get out of his truck. For her to make any movement at all, he was starting to think she wasn't going to get out of his car. "You ok?" He asked.

 _No._ Jo's mind was going a million miles a minute. What shall she tell Paul? Will he believe her? Was she wrong? Would this be worse than usual because of how late it is? Because she lied? Because a car that belonged to a different man had just pulled up outside of their home? She couldn't stop her heart from beating so fast as her hands trembled on the door handle. _Just get the hell out. Get out of this damn car._

"Hey…you good?" Alex asked once again.

Jo smiled and clapped her hands to her knees before she giggled slightly, and Alex noticed the sudden switch in behaviour. One minute her hands were shaking, now she was acting as she was just playing some joke.

"Sorry, yep," she continued to giggle, "I'm good, I'm good." She finally opened the door and went to step out of the car. She thinks maybe she took it slightly over board, trying to convince him she was ok – but she was a little tipsy, she can just blame it on that.

"Thanks. Thank you for the ride." She smiled at him as she got out of the car, grabbing her purse from the foot well.

"No problem." He smiled back, "bye, Jo!" He said just before she shut the door and he backed up out of the drive way.

"Bye." She whispered before turning round and walking up to the door, she unlocked it and slowly stepped in. Her hands started to tremble once again, _what was I thinking._


	6. Chapter 6

He was waiting, just like she thought he would be. He was sat up right in bed, reading one of his many papers. Like he was any old husband, waiting on their wife to return home. Except he wasn't any old husband, he was her husband. He wasn't just waiting for her, he was planning. Planning his actions, how he was going to deal with her, what he was going to do to her. No, he wasn't any old husband – he was scary and mean and harsh and cruel. He was her nightmare.

"Hey," she cautiously stepped through the bedroom door, "I…I know it's late but, but I'm just gonna' have a quick shower." Jo wanted to make her exit quickly, if she left him waiting too long he might fall asleep. Might. It was late and Paul always went to sleep rather early, but with Jo's luck she thought maybe she was just wishful thinking.

"Stop." Paul closed his book, took his reading glasses off and moved his feet to the floor, ready to get up. "Where were you?" He asked his wife from across the room.

"I told you, it was…there was a trauma at the hospital…I sent you a text," Jo stumbled with her words.

"No there wasn't. I spoke to Shepherd, he told me that most of the doctors were headed to the bar tonight." How did he find out everything? "If there was such a big trauma, Jo…why did they only keep you? Not Grey, not Yang, not Shepherd? But the intern that had only been there for little over a month?"

 _Fuck_. Jo was at an odds, should she keep lying or just explain. Explain that she lied, that she was at the bar, that she was drinking, that she got a ride home with Alex, that she spent about twenty minutes of the car ride alone with him.

"Don't fucking lie to me, Jo! I want to know the god damn truth?" He got up, and Jo took a step back. "Were you with another man? Some other guy? Is that where you were?" Jo shook her head.

"No of course not, I would never…you know I would never!"

"Do I? You weren't raised with morals, Jo!" She found herself shaking her head once again, he loved to throw her horrible childhood back in her face.

"I was with my friends, Paul." She calmly replied, "just a few friends, Edwards and Murphy and…and Brooks." She decided not to mention Ross. "I did stay late, I did! But they asked me to go to the bar and…I…I always say no. Just this once, I said yes." Paul laughed.

"You think friends are going to give you what I give you? You think your friends are going to like you once they know you lived in a car? You think your friends are going to like you once they know the truth?" He came closer and closer and closer until Jo was struggling to breathe, with every step he took it was like he was taking her ability to breathe with him.

"That you're nothing but trash, similar to a whore on the side of the road? You think they'll like you then?" He was now in front of her face, this isn't unfamiliar to Jo. She has been in this position far too many times for this to be unfamiliar. "HUH?" He screamed in her face, Jo could feel his anger radiating on to her body, she could feel the spit fly out of his mouth as he screamed and screamed and screamed.

"No," she whispered so quietly it was barely audible. She felt so, so small.

This wasn't the man she fell in love with, she fell in love with a man who was gentle, who was sweet and nurturing and would care for her. She fell for a man who was not a monster. The Paul she loved had given her a home to sleep in every night, someone to call family, a place where she felt like she belonged. He would buy her flowers and he would make sure she had eaten that day, he would ask her how her day had been and he would want to know the answer.

She did not fall in love with a man who gave her back handed apologies. She did not fall in love with a man who wouldn't allow her to see her friends. She did not fall in love with a man who would beat her over something so little as buying the wrong washing detergent.

Jo would leave him, she would run and run and she would never look back. She would. She would if she had somewhere to go, if she didn't feel as if she owed him so much, if she wasn't reminded of the man he used to be whenever he treated her nicely. At first, the nice had outweighed the bad. Right now, the slither of good she got on a lucky day was nothing compared to the bad.

"I thought so." He snarled as he clenched, un-clenched and then clenched his fists once again. Jo squeezed her eyes shut, ready for whatever was about to happen.

But the punch never came, she never felt the clenched fists meet her stomach, she never felt the kick to her legs, she never doubled over into the floor in pain. She didn't dare open her eyes, though. She could still feel his heavy breath on her face, she could still feel his presence right in front of her.

Paul moved his arms from the sides of Jo's body, he could smell the alcohol. She reeked. Was she really this stupid? Did he really marry someone so…so stupid? He felt the rage burning through his body. Rage for how she had gone out with friends, rage for how she had lied to him, rage for how she was so, so stupid. He thought he would be able to handle this calmly, like usual. But, Jo made him so mad. He studied her face, saw that her mouth was slightly ajar and breathing heavily, that her eyes were closed so tightly – he raged slightly more with every passing second.

Just as fast as she was pushed to the wall, she was struggling to breath. Hands were around her neck. Cold, unwelcoming and large hands. Hands that would make her flinch at the slightest touch, hands that have done so much damage. Jo opened her eyes in shock as she grabbed at Paul's wrists, trying her hardest to pull them off. Jo knew trying to struggle will just make him squeeze harder, so she stopped and just rested her hands on his wrists. He won't kill me, he won't kill me, he won't kill me.

She looked in to his eyes as she continued to struggle to breathe and he continued to push, and push her into the wall – as if she could be swallowed up into it. They were dark and cold, just like his hands – they showed no love, no care. They were empty and they were hard. He's going to kill me. Jo's eyes started to well up with tears as her throat closed up more and more and more.

"Pa-Paul." She choked out, she doesn't think she can handle this any longer. Her body was beginning to feel lifeless and her entire head was beginning to ache. She wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up whole by the floor, nothing more than to just be out of her current situation. To just be free of Paul. But, he would never let her go, he would follow her to every corner of the earth and he would beat and beat her until she had no more energy left to run.

He finally let go of her with one last hard push into the wall behind her. Jo slid down the wall and clutched at her neck, where Paul had just held his hands so tightly. She felt dazed and sore, she thought he would never stop. She was certain she was going to die. She had never felt like she would die, she had felt as if she would never see, never hear or never walk again. But, she had never thought that she was going to die. Not until today. Not until he had her hands around her neck and just kept squeezing harder and harder and harder.

She couldn't get her breathing back to normal, it was still heavy and she was still panting. She closed her eyes once again and sighed, a sigh of relief – she thinks. Or is she sighing because he hadn't killed her? She didn't know, and she certainly didn't want to think like that.

"Go shower, you stink of booze." He muttered before turning away from her, like everything was normal. Like what he had just done was normal. He went back to his studies, like this was normal.

Jo peeled her body off of the floor, still feeling incredibly weak. Repeating her usual routine, Jo stumbled her way into the bathroom and set the shower temperature as hot as she could. Stepping in, she faced the shower head and felt the hot water burn her skin. She started to cry. Jo wasn't a crier despite her life, she was more of the hold it and toughen up kind of girl. There was just something about Paul that made her sob. She would sob and sob and sob, but only in shower. He didn't need to know just how weak she really was, how weak he made her.

She made her way out of the shower, examined the bruises on her body and applied cream on the area's that needed it. She let out a heavy sigh, could this possibly get any worse? Stupid question. She had probably just jinxed it for herself. Good one, Jo. She moved her wet hair from around her neck to have a look at the red indentions that had now appeared on her neck, she was going to have to wear her hair down tomorrow. She was probably going to have to keep her head very still, any sudden movements and her hairs would be flying all over the place – giving everyone a good look at her disgusting bruises.

In just her towel, she made her way into the bedroom. Paul was exactly where he was when she had first walked in, sat in bed with his books. She kept her head down and made her way to the dressing table that was opposite to the bed, pulling out underwear and slipping them on. Paul couldn't help but stare. Yes, his wife had been incredibly stupid tonight but he couldn't help but admire how gorgeous she was. It wasn't his fault he got so jealous when she was around other men, he knew what they must think – he thought it, too.

"I'm sorry." He told her, just like he did every other time. He had the speech perfected by now. "I'm sorry, but you did lie to me," She still had her back turned to him and was facing the dresser, "you lied, Jo. You didn't answer your phone, I didn't know where you were or who you were with…I'm sorry."

"Ok." She turned around and went towards where her pyjamas were laid out on her side of the bed, just where she left them. She knew what she did was going to anger Paul, she expected everything she got. She knew what would happen, but there was always a small part, a tiny part of her heart that expected the next time to be different. That she would do something and rather than a hit or a kick, they would argue or he would brush it off. Tonight, the naïve part of her almost thought that he would let it go. God, I am so stupid. Years of abuse and she still hoped he would change.

He stilled her hands as she went for her pyjamas, he had put his books down and walked over to where she was stood on the other side of the bed. He softly touched at her wrist and slowly rubbed her arms up and down in a soothing manner. His touch was anything but soothing, right now. He moved his hands to where her tied was tucked in at the front, slowly pulling it apart.

"Not tonight, Paul." She stilled his hand with hers. She did not feel like whatever he had in mind, she felt sick and weak and dazed. He didn't stop his movements, though. He continued to drag the fabric apart, until it was no longer tucked in. He watched it slowly drop into a pile onto the floor, admiring his wife's body, he touched his lips to her neck. Kissing the red marks he had placed there, not even a half hour ago. Sure, there were a few bruises that was scattered around her body – but, he could look past this, it didn't stop her from being sexy as hell.

"Paul." She tried to say as sternly as she possibly could, but it came out as more of a moan. She did always love the way he would nip and nibble at her neck when he would kiss it. Yes, she was tired but he was her husband and it had been a while. Despite the way that he was, she was still attracted to him. Like some sick joke, the sick part of her body still enjoyed making love to him. Is that what it was? When you felt as if your partner didn't love you, was it still making love?

He turned her around swiftly, Jo's bare chest was against his as he looked her up and down once again, appreciatively. Smiling, he kissed her again, this time on the lips and Jo ran her fingers through his hair. Lips still on hers, he slowly pushed her back towards the bed, laying her down.

The moment they both hit the bed, he repositioned himself on top of her. Tugging at his t-shirt and then peeling it off as her hands roamed, being careful to do everything that Paul liked. Caressing his muscles, stroking his shoulders, and moving her hands all the way down to just above his pants.

Paul gripped her hips and pulled her closer, their bodies grazing. Hovering over Jo, Paul pulled her hands from where they had wandered to the back of his neck and teasingly started nipping at her breasts. He replaced his mouth with his hand on her breath and rubbed them slowly as he slipped his tongue into her mouth.

Soon she was moaning against his lips, her hips rhythmically rocking against his. He knew exactly what she wanted, but was having too much fun tormenting her to oblige just yet. When she seemed barely able to stand it any longer, Paul grabbed her wrists and forced her hands above her head.

Taking both wrists in one hand, Paul unzipped his pants. Then he pushed her panties aside, in too much of a hurry to take them off.

The bed creaked violently as he was grinding against her, bringing her closer to the edge. Jo grabbed his hips and held him closer, creating more friction. She moaned loudly and he pushed harder until she came and he soon after. Sated, he pulled out and fell next to her on the bed. After a few deep breaths, he moved so he was now at the top of the bed with his head resting against the pillow.

"Night." Was all he said as he turned off the bedside light, submerging the room in darkness. Jo closed her eyes and sighed, that was usually it. No cuddling, no 'I love you's'. Just hot, sweaty sex that led him to turn over without more than a single muttering.

She got up off of where she was laid on the bed, putting on her pyjamas like she had planned to earlier. She looked over to where her husband had turned his back towards her, huddled to his side of the bed. Pulling the cover's, she got back back in, exhausted after her day and night.

She felt dirty, she felt dirty and used. Like she was just there, in that moment, for his convenience. He apologised, in the way that he always did, using the words that he always used, and then he had his way with her. Like he deserved it. She was weak. She was so weak. She let him, because why? Because she needed it to? She didn't. She was just too weak to put up a fight, she knew if she had been sterner he would have stopped – that was something he had never done, despite the many times that she had feared he would.

"Do you love me?" She whispered.

"Go to bed, Jo."

A/N: I know, probably not the sex scene that you would want but it's all for the plot. I promise! Thank you for all the lovely reviews! Also, let me know if there is any major mistakes as I have literally just thrown this up without double checking.


	7. Chapter 7

Jo was exhausted. She was run down and tired, Jo wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball in an on-call room. She day dreamed about the lumpy pillows that were entirely too uncomfortable for someone to sleep on, unless you were as exhausted as Jo currently was. She was practically drifting off at the thought of the paper thin sheets, and the squeaky the bunk bed. God, she needed sleep. Day dreaming about the horrible beds that are provided was the last straw, she would be stomping up to that on-call room in minutes.

She had been on a 48 hour shift, and she had spent the day running around after patients and doctors and nurses. This wasn't what she pictured her days being like when she applied for med school. Now, all she had left to do was to fill Karev in on his post ops and various other stuff, then she can retreat into the dark on call room and close her eyes. Unfortunately, just like usual, the world was against Jo having things her way.

She had been searching the hospital for Karev for about twenty minutes, six pages and one infuriated scream later and she still had no luck. Returning to where she first started her search, she let out a heavy sigh and leant her arms on the nurses station, mindlessly scrolling through the tablet she almost threw down in front of her.

"Hey!" Jo groaned as Stephanie walked up to her, sounding ever so perky. Stephanie had watched as Jo made her way towards the nurses station, she had looked like a child in a huff.

"Hey. You seen Karev at all?" She asked her friend.

"Nope, sorry!" Why is she in such a good mood? "You seen Murphy?" She tilted her head to the side, staring at her friend. "Aren't you on Karev's service?"

"Nope, and yes…but he disappeared like a half hour ago and I've not seen him since." She sighed for the one millionth time that hour. "Why you need Murphy?"

"You look terrible, by the way." Stephanie couldn't help but notice the bag's under her eyes and the fed up look that was on her face. "I'm on Avery's service, and we're working with Torres who has Leah as an intern. She has also disappeared, apparently." She rolled her eyes. "And rather than getting to see any real acting in the ER, I've been sent on a goose hunt for her! I'm…I'm gonna' kill her once I get my hands on her!" Jo laughed as Stephanie flopped her head down on to the table.

"Thanks for that! I'm scheduled a nap in a bunk bed, buuuut Karev told me that I had to find him before I went." She rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers, groaning. "I'm also going to kill him once he reappears!"

"You know, Avery told me my suture technique…was like one of the best he's seen, out of all the interns." Stephanie's tone of voice changed, the last thing that Jo was expecting was Steph to start gushing over Dr. Avery. "He's so hot! He's so hot, right?" Jo furrowed her brows, but she nodded in agreement. He was hot.

"You know what! Fuck Karev!" Stephanie's eyes widened. "I'm tired and if…if I need to nap, then I need to nap!" She stood up right. "So," she moved the tablet to it's charging station, "if," she straightened up her lab coat, "he does not care about his patients enough to come here when I paged, then that's not on me, right?" Stephanie's eyes were still wide and her eyebrows were raised.

"I did my job! He didn't care to come check up." Jo nodded her head to herself. "Then I'm going for my nap. My much deserved nap!" Stephanie realised that Jo really was not the type of person to disobey.

"Badass!" She nodded appreciatively at her friend, the idea of not waiting for her attending to let her off was proving to be a huge deal.

"Thank you!" Jo walked past Steph, to make her way towards the on call room that was screaming her name. She stopped. She turned back. "But, if you see Karev then tell him where I am and…and that I did all his post-ops!" She went to walk away again, but once again turned back. "And that I'm sorry!" Stephanie couldn't help but burst into giggles at Jo's pathetic display of standing up for herself.

"Sure! You also want me to tell him that you need him to take that nap for you!" She shouted to her friends retreating back through laughter.

Jo rounded the corner, pushed through the heavy door, ran up to the next floor, and practically slipped down the hall until she finally reached the room she had been thinking about for the past half an hour. She smiled to herself as she put her hand on the handle and pushed it open. She forgot all about how annoyed she was with Alex as she entered the room.

"Oh my GOD!" She almost screeched as she laid her eyes on the bed that was opposite of the door. There, on the bed, was Leah Murphy completely naked. No top. No underwear. No sheets to cover herself up. Completely nude. With her arms wrapped around a males neck who was also very, very naked, as he held her waist closely to him.

Karev.

Alex.

Really? She paged him dozens of times and he thought a quick booty call with Leah was more important! Leah! Leah Murphy! What the hell. Jo thinks she was stood there for minutes, her mouth slightly agape as she stared at the two people who were clearly screwing in the on call room. They ever heard of a lock? Leah was turning a deep, deep shade of red as she scrambled around to cover herself with the sheet that had been thrown to the floor in the heat of the moment.

"Oh…oh…I…I'm…gonna…sorry." Was all Jo could muster before she walked backwards and quickly exited the stuffy, sex-filled room. What. The. Hell? Wait, she still needed to talk to Alex.

"I'm going for a quick rest, all your patients are stable but Ivy McManus was complaining of abdominal pain but everything came out clear so just make sure to check up on her." She said within one breath as she opened the door once again, this time keeping her eyes glued to the floor. "Ok…b…bye." Awkwardly, she left the room for the second time.

Once exiting the room, she looked up at the ceiling. Alex and Leah was the last thing she expected, Leah was obsessive and Alex was so…so nonchalant. This isn't going to work out well for them. She shook her head and made her way back to the stair well, deciding the on call room on the third floor was a better idea.

"Did you check his stats?" Alex asked as Jo walked up behind him, she had been gone the past half hour, finally getting some sleep. It was a short amount of time but Jo felt more human, it was the power nap she so badly needed. Unfortunately, it only lasted for about twenty minutes as she couldn't shake the image of Alex with Leah out of her mind. She wasn't a person to judge but why would Alex sleep with Leah? She just didn't seem like his type.

She wasn't jealous, nope. The ring that sparkled on her finger told her that she had no right to be jealous, it's not like she had feelings for Karev. She was married. Yes, she thought he was attractive, he was also single which meant he could sleep with whatever girl he felt like. Even if it was Leah. No, Jo wasn't jealous she was just…she had a sexual attraction, just sexual. She had a sexual attraction to many men, it didn't mean anything.

She didn't feel her heart drop at the sight of them, so she knew that she didn't have feelings for him. She couldn't really put her finger on what she did feel, she just knew that she had wished she had gone straight to the third floor on call room, it had comfier beds anyway.

"Mmhmm, all the while you were in the throes of passion with Murphy!" She smiled up at Alex, the situation had been incredibly awkward but it was a whole lot more awkward from his position – so she'd use it to her advantage, tease him a little.

"Throes of passion?" He asked without looking up from the tiny baby whose vitals he was checking.

"Yep. How was it? Was it magical? Was it worth ignoring all of my pages just for your few minutes in between the sheets?" She tilted her head and cocked him another smile.

"Stop whining!" He muttered.

"Did you see God? Did you feel fireworks?" She pressed, seeing that she was getting on his nerves with the way he furrowed his brows and slightly puckered his lips. "Murphy's a little obsessive, you know? She's probably already planning the wedding, I hope you're ready for that." That wasn't a lie, since their first day Leah had been going on and on and on about some guy she slept with at the bar just two weeks prior their first day. They slept together once, he never called, he never texted, but she still held out the hope that he would. Going as far to tell us that he was planning to take her out on a date. It never happened.

"You jealous?" He raised his eyebrows, if she can tease then so could he. "Cause, it sounds like you're jealous?"

"I'm married!" She stated obviously, waving her ring finger in his face. She can't be jealous. She's married. I can't be jealous, I'm married.

"Doesn't mean you don't want to be with me in the…what did you call it? Throes of passion?"

"Shut up, Karev!" Her teasing had backfired. Alex laughed out loud at the little pout that was on her face, meaning that he had won this one. No, she didn't want to sleep with him but…but it was the sexual attraction. Yep. That's all it was, he was too close to her and he was annoying, he was trying to tease her.

"I guess that's one thing I could knock off the list!" He continued to laugh.

"What?" What list? What was he talking about? Does he have a list? A list of sexual partners? A list of people he wants to fuck? She smiled a confused smile at him, unaware of what he meant.

"I've never had a married woman." He smirked, stealing a side glance at her face.

"What?" She didn't know what he was talking about, but her smile was slowly falling from her face.

"I've never screwed a married woman, it's one to tick off the list, right?" Alex laughed nonchalantly, like it was just some joke. Some harmless joke.

"Right." Jo whispered. "So, that's what my friendship is to you? You're trying to gain my trust so I will sleep with you?" Jo raised her eyebrows, she couldn't believe him. After everything she told him about wanting to be more than just the woman that was married to Paul. After she had confided in him that she was scared that's all that people would see her as, after she shared with him one of her deepest insecurities. Was it all just a funny joke to him ? Because it certainly wasn't for her.

"You just want to knock ' ' off your list?" She was angry. So angry.

"I'm joking, you're being weird." It was meant as a harmless joke, she was teasing him and he was just trying to tease a little harder. He thought Jo liked his stupid jokes. She would usually giggle, put her hand over her mouth to hide her teeth, scrunch her eyes up in laughter, or even make a stupid joke in return. Maybe she just didn't like being the target.

"No! You're being a jerk, clearly you didn't listen to anything I said." She shook her head. "Unfortunately, this married woman does not want to sleep with you." She said, her voice dripping with malice as she shoved the tablet in his now free hands and stalked off in the other direction. She needed another half hour.

Leaving Alex stumbling over his words.

Jo was over being tired, now she was just disappointed. Disappointed that she has so easily opened up to people about how she was scared to live under a shadow, scared to always be the second choice, and also disappointed that she had to watch someone throw it back in her face. What if she had told someone about Paul's abusive behaviour? Because sometimes she wanted to, sometimes she wanted to cry in the middle of rounds and wait for someone to ask "are you ok?", so she could tell them. Tell them everything, tell them what happens when she gets home, tell them what happens when she doesn't cook the right meal, tell them what happens when she doesn't do something he wants.

Other times, she wanted to calmly bring it up in conversation, like it was normal. Paul acts like it's normal, and she guesses it had become something that was so normal. She expected it, he was prepared for it and it was an almost daily occurrence- for them it was normal. So, why couldn't she bring it up like it was normal?

She just wanted someone she could talk to, and the moment she opened up about something that was so minuscule compared to what goes on in their home, she regretted it. She regretted it even more this afternoon, and she was sure to regret it later tonight. She couldn't go to therapy. She doesn't think she'll do so well in therapy. Plus, they cost a bomb and if Paul saw that much money coming out of their account…she'd be screwed. No amount of therapy could fix the damage he had done to her.

"I'm a huge jerk." Jo jumped up startled, she was sitting on the side of the wall that was just outside the kitchen. It stank half the time and was always covered in trash but it was usually a good place to go to hide. Until today, why was he following her?

"I…I wasn't thinking when I said what I said!" He carried on. No kidding. "Honestly, I'm stupid and I didn't even think back to what you told me until you got upset. Which, was so stupid." He had got that right, at least. "I would never say that with the intention to upset you, Jo. I…I saw you flash your wedding ring an-"

"So it's my fault you made a crappy joke?" She finally spoke up and turned to look at Alex, who was stood in the entry way.

"Shut up, let me apologise." He furrowed his eyebrows at her, god she's annoying. She was annoying but he liked her. She was annoying and she was a pain, but for some unknown reason he liked hanging out with her. He liked her teasing, he liked her jokes and he liked the way she usually liked his. What can he say, he liked to make her laugh. But, she was also head strong and competitive, which got on his nerves. Despite this, he still did not want to see her upset, especially if it was due to him.

"I'm sorry, ok? It was a stupid joke, made by a stupid jerk who doesn't think!" She started to smile but quickly hid it with her hand, she was not going to forgive him so easily, even if she couldn't help but laugh. "You've got two minutes. Call me any name you want! I'm not your boss for two minutes, it stays right here." She raised her eyebrows at him, she may have been hiding her smile but Alex could see the mischievous glint in her eyes, and if that's all he was going to get at this very moment in time then he'd take it.

Jo waited for the 'but'. But you made me do it. But you make me so mad. But you push all of my buttons. But it was your fault, if you hadn't done what you did…

She waited.

It never came.

So she did as she was told, he was her superior after all. She called him every name that she could think of, and it felt…nice. It kind of felt like she wasn't talking to him, like she was talking to everyone who had treated her badly, everyone who had abandoned her, everyone who had left her bruised and battered. It felt like she was getting all this anger, and hate out of her system. She loved it.

She went on, and on, and on.

"Jesus! Stop. Your two minutes is up!" He put his hands up in mock surrender. "You really think all that?" He asked, but he knew the answer. She had a playfulness in he voice that told him that she didn't mean what she was saying to him.

"No. Not all the time, at least." She laughed. "I guess you'll need to find another married woman for your list."

"Nah, I don't have a list." He took a seat next to her.

"Yeah, right. Was Leah Murphy number one? Or was it just written as 'desperate intern'?" She bumped him with her shoulder.

"Nah, it was hottest intern." He laughed as her eyes went wide. "But I had to settle considering my top choice is married." He said with a smirk.

"Shut up!" She slapped his chest, hard. But, despite what her hands told him, the blush on her face told him another story.


	8. Chapter 8

Jo made her way down one of the many stairwells in the hospital, her day had been going extremely slow. Every time she had checked the clock it seems that only five minutes had passed, despite that fact that it had felt like hours. She half blamed the hospital for being so quiet today, but she didn't think that out loud – she didn't want the hospital to be thrown in to chaos, especially with the intense pain that was rippling through her body.

The bruise started on her hip, the large, deep purple welt made her feel sick. She thanked her unlucky stars that it wasn't broken, it looked broken. She thought about getting it checked out, but going to Torres would only cause problems. She would put up with the pain for the day, tomorrow she had a day off – she could stay in bed all day with Paul working. She couldn't wait. The bruise made its way up to the side of her ribs, the welts were more scarce there. She was glad, sometimes when the bruises were on her ribs, she felt like she couldn't breathe. Like someone was squeezing her chest until she exploded.

Last night was bad. Jo almost flinched at the thought. Paul had been so nice for a few days, it was the calm before the storm. In a good mood he had told her they were going out for dinner, he had told her to dress up in one of her nice dresses, he had told her to put her hair in that style he liked, he had told her to be ready for seven o'clock. So, she did as she was told.

The restaurant was lavish, with expensive wine and tiny portions. It reminded her of one of their many first dates, the ones when she would tell him that she dreamed of going to places where they served wine with a bucket of ice, and he would make her dreams come true. The ones where she would tell him that she never had been to the movies to see a animated film when she was younger, and he would take her. The ones where she would tell him that she loved the idea of a drive-in movie date, under the stars, and he would find the nearest one just to take her.

It reminded her of when he was the man she loved, and the man she thought loved her.

There was something different about this date than the others, though. She couldn't put her finger on it, sure they weren't the young couple that they once were, she wasn't the young and naïve girl she once was. But, there was something off. His eyes never found hers, they were trained on the waiters as they set down the food in front of her, as they took her order, as they poured her glass after glass after glass of wine. Jealousy was always one of Paul's worst traits.

His conversation was all about him, how his work day had been, how annoying his intern was, how his right shoulder was aching. You should probably rest it. His right arm was the one he always used when he went for her, with the way the night had been going she wasn't worried about what would happen at home afterwards. She needed to stop getting her hopes up.

No, this date was nothing like their past ones.

She was getting up to leave, the waiter had offered to get their coats. Jo's engagement ring had always been a little loose, as she got up it fell off of her hand. Crap. She quickly dropped to the floor to pick it up. Back bent, ass up, legs straight. Got it! She straightened her back and placed the ring back into its place. Turning around, she came face to face with the waiter who had a clear smirk on his face as he handed her the coat. Unbeknownst to Jo, the waiter had a full view of her earlier display – this wasn't something that went unknown to Paul. He was raging.

The screaming match that took place in their home was a complete contrast to the silence that filled the air on their way home. _YOU WERE PUTTING ON A SHOW! YOU WANTED HIM TO LOOK! YOU WANTED THEM ALL TO LOOK! GOD, JO YOU'RE SUCH A WHORE!_

He had threw her across the room before she even had a chance to defend herself. Slapped her so hard she hit her hip against the glass coffee table on her way down. Pushed her so hard she thought her spine had cracked. Strangled her so hard that she thought she would die, again. For the second time that month she felt as if she was going to die.

She felt the same as she struggled to get out of bed this morning, but she pushed through it and hobbled her way down to the car after getting ready, and then into the hospital.

She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, clutching on to the railing for support, giving herself a few moments to catch her breath and ease the pain before she started to walk towards the NICU, where Alex had paged her from. He would probably have something to say about how long she had taken, but Jo couldn't find it in herself to care.

She carried on, using all of the strength in the non-bruised side of her body to push the door open, this day couldn't end quick enough.

"You paged?" She asked Alex as she found him at the nurses station with Robbins.

"Uh huh. I need you to swap with Murphy, I want you on my service." He told her without a single glance, Jo was getting bored of always being told what to do – but then again, unlike her off duty husband, Karev was her boss.

"No, you just don't want Murphy on your service." Jo giggled, Alex and Leah had hooked up once a few weeks ago – the picture had been burned into her memory. Just like Jo predicted, Leah was obsessed. She did everything she could to get near Karev, and he did everything he could to get away. Jo lapped it up, it was hilarious.

"It's Ivy's final surgery today, you've been on her case the most and…and she likes you!" He reasoned.

"No she doesn't. She spat jello at me literally last week, the girl hates me." Jo shook her head, she was just being awkward to show him up in front of Robbins, his boss. Maybe she was a little mean but she couldn't help herself.

"You still know her case." He said through gritted teeth. Turning away from Robbins, he whispered, "Please, Jo!"

"Fine! If you're not careful you're gonna' have a harassment suit on your hands." She joked, he didn't seem like he was in the mood when the only response she got was a grunt. He leant behind her to get some paperwork that was scattered across the table, Jo pressed her body up against the nurses station to make way for him, causing her to flinch in pain.

"What's with that?" He grumbled, once he was back in his previous place.

"What?" She furrowed her brows and pretended it was nothing. Truthfully, she wanted to scream. "I'll go tell Leah her medical career is being compromised because you can't keep it in your pants. See you in a min!" She gave him a sickly sweet wave as she walked away, she probably looked like she had crapped her pants with the way she was so stiffly walking.

"What was that Karev?" Robbins piped up after overhearing the intern.

"Nothing!" He groaned before walking off also.

Alex couldn't believe he was hiding in a closet for the second time just that day. Leah was nuts. Why did no one tell him that she was a complete psycho until after he had slept with her. He was horny, and bored and she was willing and…there. God, that made him sound like the biggest skeeze. He just wanted to get it out of his system, have sex with someone that wasn't the crazy hot intern that was always on his service. It was typical man logic, sleeping with one person to get their mind of another. It was stupid.

He didn't think he had feelings for Wilson. No he couldn't have, she was just funny and smart and witty and kind and annoying and had a real cute laugh. Stop. She was just his friend, his friend who he sometimes fantasised about what she looked like naked. That was normal? Having a sexual attraction to someone who was as hot as Jo was completely normal. That's all it was. No feelings. It's not like he found himself wanting to hold her dainty little hands, or getting to kiss her soft lips, or getting to feel her silky smooth skin underneath his hands. Nope. He didn't do that. Not that you'd hear him admit, anyway. Just why couldn't he get her out of his head?

Having sex with Leah was one of the worst decisions his lower region ever made. He found himself thinking about Jo even more, probably because she walked in on them; fully naked and covered in their sweaty after glow. He wondered about what she must have thought after witnessing the desperate attempt of him distracting himself from her, not that she knew that she was the only reason he had been that position – but, did she think he was just some player? Screw 'em and dump 'em kinda guy? Cause he guesses he kind of was, he doesn't want her to think that…not that it mattered.

He shook his head, why was he even thinking like this? She is married. She had told him enough times. Every chance she got actually, he knew the first day that he met her that she would get him in some kind of trouble. He really should have took himself more seriously when he said stay away. Then, maybe he wouldn't be sat in the corner of a supply closet whilst hiding from Murphy, who he only slept with because he let his head get all messed up with a married woman. If that was even what it was. All he knew was that she was on his mind all the time.

Should he tell her? He had thought about it just last week. What she would say, what she would do, if she would smile or if she would scowl. He also thought about kissing her, he thought many, many times about kissing her. He thinks about what her lips would taste like, in his mind they were sweet and tasted like cherry lip balm, and they were soft and moved perfection in sync with his. He bets that she would blow his mind, though. But, what would he even be telling her? That he thought about her a lot? There was nothing really to tell.

He shouldn't tell her anything. He knows what the reaction would be, she would politely turn him down and tell him she was happily married. She would request to be taken off his service and he would have to be the jerk who stopped the eager intern being able to work on peds. She would probably tell her husband, too. He'd probably be met with a hard punch to his face the next time he saw him, and he wouldn't be able to defend himself – because, yes he did hit on the guys wife. He doesn't want to set himself up for that disappointment.

Sometimes he felt like she flirted with him, or at least maybe there was something there. She would go out of her way to make him laugh, she wouldn't even be working with him and she would still spend her free time up on peds, she would give him little…looks. Looks that he's pretty sure he's caught himself giving her. Like when she laughs and he just has to stare because she was so, so…gorgeous. Or, that time she stuffed a stolen doughnut in her mouth and his lips couldn't help but curl into a smile. Those kind of looks.

He shook his head once again, he really needed to stop thinking like that – he was going to get his hopes up.

"Paul…" he was distracted from his thoughts as he heard her exasperated voice, speak of the devil. "I'm working, and you have patients!" Jo was stood in the doorway with it wide open, he could just make out Stadler on the other side from where he was sitting. He watched the older man let out a growl and rub at his face.

"We'll talk at home." He told her sternly as his pager started going off, what a jerk.

"Urghhh!" Jo slammed the door shut after him, letting out a groan but wishing she could scream. She let out a huff as she pushed her back up against the door, immediately regretting it as she was once again met with the excruciating pain that had been rocking her body all day.

"Hey." She let out a small scream as she startled, once again hitting her body against the door. Fuck Opening her eyes back up from being screwed shut, she looked up to see Alex and her features immediately softened. "What was that all about?" Alex stood up and walked over to where Jo was stood, still back against the door.

"God, Alex! What are you doing?" Jo's hand was still firmly placed on her heart. She was grateful that Paul's pager went off when it had, Alex would interrogate her until she told him exactly what was going on. "Wait…" Jo smiled, "are you hiding from Leah?" Her smile grew wider as Alex let out another groan of annoyance. "Oh my God! You really need to get your life together!" She said through giggles. "Hiding from horny interns doesn't look too good!" She couldn't stop her laughter.

"Shut up. You didn't answer my question?" Jo looked around the small supply closet, trying to find what Murphy had sent her here for – she'd be kicking herself if she found out Karev was in here. It was part of their trade, she would trade service if Jo ran her errands. Unfortunately, Jo had ran into Paul on her way here.

He told her to go home. He told her that if people saw how she was acting then they would ask questions. He told her she was being selfish coming into work. She scoffed at him and his eyes turned dark, the way they always did when he was angry. He was all about to push her down to the floor in that closet, luckily – she hates herself for saying luckily – one of his patients started coding and he had no choice but to leave.

"Old married couple things." She deadpanned, she and Alex acted more like an old married couple than her and Paul did.

"Right. You did swap with Murphy?" He raised his eyebrows, scared to open the door just incase.

"She's waiting for you just behind that door." She joked with him as if she was reading his mind. Jo leant up to the top shelf of one of the many cupboards in the room, she had to extend her arm fully as she was on the very tips of her toes.

"What the hell!" Alex came towards Jo as his eyes landed on the deep, dark bruise that covered the entirety of her hip. Out stretching his arm to softly touch the skin that was now exposed due to Jo's top riding up as she stretched. She flinched away from his touch and stopped his hand.

"It's nothing." She told him coldly. She hadn't felt her top move at all, she hadn't felt any cool air against her exposed skin. She felt open, and she felt stupid. Open, because no one had ever laid eyes on her bruises and reacted like Alex had. Stupid, because how did she let that happen – she shouldn't have let this happen.

"That's…that's not nothing, Jo. How…wh…who did this?" Alex couldn't help but seethe with anger at the sight of the huge bruise, and at the thought of someone touching her. He was ready to kill.

"No one, Alex! I fell…" she looked down to the floor, she had always been pretty good at lying. Alex and her have became close recently, she had never lied to him, though. So, maybe he wouldn't be able to see that she was lying.

"What the hell did you fall on? Off a cliff?" He raised his eyebrows, he had no reason not to trust Jo. The idea that she had just fallen over was a lot better than being…being hurt at the hands of someone. He doesn't know why he thought like that, seeing her in pain just made his head go into overdrive.

"No." She furrowed her brows. "I was making a bath last night and I…I got distracted, it flowed over and…and I slipped on to the tiled floor. Hard." Not her best but Alex seemed to take it, nodding his head.

"How are you so clumsy, huh?" Jo looked up at Alex, his voice was soft as she finally let him touch the painful bruise, softly. It was almost…affectionate. It was the softest touch Jo could remember ever receiving from a man, it was sweet and his eyes were laced with concern. "Have you not had this checked out?" He assumed as she flinched in pain. Of course he was worried, with a bruise like that, the bones underneath could be fractured or even broken.

"No." She moved away from his hand once again. "It's embarrassing."

"What's more embarrassing is passing out whilst at work, due to the pain." He gestured towards the bruise. She didn't want to get it checked out. She didn't want to be having this conversation. She like always, wanted it to go unnoticed until she could deal with it. Alone. She didn't need his help and she didn't need his pity. He believes she had only slipped in the bathroom and his eyes just screamed pity, imagine if he knew the truth.

"You go see Torres, and I'll drop it. Ok?" He could see she was uncomfortable with the conversation, but he didn't want her to be on her feet if she needed rest. Even if he didn't have feelings for her, she was still his friend. He cared about her.

She let out a big sigh, "fine." She agreed, she just wanted to shut him up.

Alex stopped Jo as she was about to exit the closet. "Are you sure?" He asked with concern lacing his voice. "Are you sure, Jo?" Jo couldn't bring herself to shake her head. He was asking. Someone was asking.

Ask me if I'm ok.

Ask me if I'm ok.

'Are you sure' isn't enough. It's not the words she so desperately wants someone to ask her. Because she can't tell him everything, load all her problems on to him when he wasn't even asking. She would feel like she was burdening him, burdening anyone – 'are you sure' wasn't enough to make her turn on Paul like she so deeply wishes she was powerful enough to do so.

But, if he ask's if she's ok… She could tell him. He would want to know, he would be asking for her troubles and struggles, he would be someone who cares and someone who truly wants to know. She would feel like he was someone who was willing to listen, to hear her speak and listen to every word that dropped off of her tongue. She would have a reason to cry and sob and scream and pour her heart out with everything she had felt for the past miserable years of her life. Because, no she is not ok and she is not sure. But she needs a reason to tell someone, she needs a reason to admit she is most definitely not ok. Ask me if I'm ok!

He didn't.

"Yes, Alex! I hit my hip, not my head." Was all she muttered as they both exited the closet.


End file.
